How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My wife moved out about 60 days ago. When she first moved out

Resolved Question:

My wife moved out about 60 days ago. When she first moved out she told our son that it wasn't a divorce and we need to resolve some issues. After about 30 days she says she thinks we should go our seperate ways. There was no discussion about our problems when I asked her about it she says that she doen't love me anymore and is not sexually attacted to me either. Her quote was "I just want to have fun". She is going to be 44 in a couple of months. She only communicates by texting to me or the kids. She might not even text for a few days to them. She still has alot of her items at our house and when she comes to get stuff she will take only a little bit and leave the rest. Example she took 3 pairs of underwear and left 4. All of her dresser drawers have clothes in them. I know that she is at least having an emotional affair but won't admitt it. When I look back this all started about 2 years ago when her mom died. Is she in a MLC? Everything that I have read looks like she is and how do I try and get her to see the damage she is causing her family. She just doesn't care it is all about her right now and what she wants.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 10 months ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

From your description, it sounds very much like this is about something your wife is going through. She may say that it is about not having any feelings for you, but that would not explain her behavior towards your children. And it also does not say why she has not moved out and only takes a few items with her when she does come by. It sounds more like she is trying to find an excuse to do what she is doing instead of facing her issues.

It is possible that your wife is having a mid life crisis. Sometimes people go through a difficult time in their lives, such as when your wife lost her mother, and they do not cope well with their emotions. It could be that your wife losing her mother triggered her to feel she might not have a lot of time left or she questioned her mortality in general. In that case, it may have caused her to try to "have fun" while she can which would explain why she has shunned her responsibilities to go on her own.

It is possible that the situation your wife is going through is temporary. The person can begin to realize that the grass is not greener on the other side and they begin to miss those things that were important to them before. But until that happens, you may want to start addressing the situation by going to therapy. It can help provide you wit support and help you and your children cope with what your wife is doing. Eventually, your wife may see that you and the kids are seeking help and could be open to going as well.

You may also want to talk to your wife about caring for the children. Whenever there is a separation the children need to come first. Ask her input about caring for them and see if she will respond. It may help to remind her that this is not all about her and that the kids need her as well.

If you feel that you have given her as much time as you can and she is still not showing signs of coming back, consider protecting yourself and the children. Consult an attorney, set some limits with your wife about her behavior and see what other steps you can take to stabilize your situation, especially for the children. Your wife needs to deal with her behavior in another way and stop hurting you and the children.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 10 months ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any further questions, please let me know.

Kate










May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 10 months ago.


Kate,


 


Our children are 18 and 14. Both of them know what is going on and don't want anything to do with her right now. Neither one will answer her text messages back unless I make them. Our daughter has told her as far as she is concerned she is no longer in her life. Our son will only text her back when I ask him to. She will not call only text.I have been to therapy and she is seeing a therapist right now but not together. All she says is it might be to late and I tell her that it is only to late if you choose it to be. The day she moved out she broke down and cried and said that everyone hates her. I told her no one hates her we all love her but we can't help you. You have to want to be with us. Than 30 days later she says I think we should go our seperate ways and asked for a divorce. I said I didn't want a divorce and what is the rush. Am I handling this correctly? I'm trying to take the high road. I tell the kids I love your mother very much we just can't help her right now. How do I get her away from this affair when she is not here?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 10 months ago.
It sounds like you are handling this situation very well. There is little you can do to control your wife so all you can do is respond the best you can and protect yourself and the children.

If possible, include the kids in therapy. They sound like they are hurting and might need to work their feelings out. You are there for them, which is great, but they might also need someone who is neutral to help them as well.

If your wife is not willing to work this out, then you might have to start considering your own needs. But so far, you are there for her and you are not reacting by immediately divorcing her, which gives her a chance to work this out. But there are limits so it helps to consider where yours are as well as the children's.

Try helping yourself and the children by doing some things together as a family. Get away for a weekend, visit with relatives (who can help fill in the gaps in care and love they are not getting from Mom) and try to spend time enjoying time with each other. YOu are all under a lot of stress right now so some time just enjoying a family movie night (with a comedy maybe) might help take the stress off, at least for a few hours.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions