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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I HAVE STOPPED ASKING MY WIFE QUESTIONS. 99% OF THE TIME HER

Resolved Question:

I HAVE STOPPED ASKING MY WIFE QUESTIONS. 99% OF THE TIME HER RESPONSE IS "I DON'T KNOW" TO ANY REQUEST FOR WHATS IN HER MIND.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your wife is being resistant to you for some reason. It could be that she feels that holding back helps her in some way. The reasons behind this can vary. Some of the reasons a spouse would do this is anger (one of the main reasons), fear or control.

A spouse that is angry usually won't talk about what they feel because they feel that sharing gives you the advantage or lets you win. They do not want you to know what they are thinking because they are angry. They may also feel that if they share, their thoughts are going to be hostile and that would start an argument.

Fear of sharing thoughts comes from the other spouses response when they do share. For example, if you become upset at her or question her each time she shares her thoughts, she might hold back because she doesn't want to talk.

The last reason is control. If a spouse has a personality issue they could try to control you and the relationship through withholding their thoughts from you. It keeps you interested and attentive because you feel bad when your spouse does not talk. It also keeps you guessing as to where you stand in the relationship. You do not know if she is ready to leave or if she is just upset or angry.

To deal with your wife's refusal to talk, you may want to try giving her some space. Let her know that you are respecting her boundaries and that when she feels ready to talk, you will be there.

You can also suggest therapy. If she will go with you, the therapist may be a "safe" go between and get your wife to talk so you know what is going on. But if your wife will not go to therapy with you, you might want to consider going on your own. You need the support right now and the chance to find out how you want to proceed with this issue.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.