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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I married my husband seven years ago I was happy the first

Resolved Question:

I married my husband seven years ago
I was happy the first three years ,I thought he was the man of my life
he is 18 years older than me.
With time we discover that we can not have children he is low count
and I'm, 38 years old.
At the beginning I thought that it will not be a problem if he had a erectile dysfunction today im not happy with that,
plus the age difference is getting us.
I want to have a baby but I do not feel attractive to him any more
I love him as he is the most beautiful person and beautiful heart
but im not happy .
He also has a job that is not stable construction job
I feel sad I do know how t o deal with this
my dream about the marriage is done
and my biological clock is killing me
Im not sure what to do plus ,younger guys attract me more today
I feel guilty for that and im very confuse.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Customer:

Thank you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It seems that, although your strong friendship and admiration for this man still exists, your marriage has come to the end.

Customer:

what should I do

Customer:

I love my husband

Customer:

but I don't feel attractive to him sexually

Customer:

plus he is getting weight

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand, but do you want to stay with him and adopt children or be artificially inseminated?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That would only solve part of the problem.

Customer:

we did in vitro last year

Customer:

did not work

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He no longer feels like your husband but as a beloved friend.

Customer:

yes

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It you could get it to work (sometimes takes several tries) would that be enough?

Customer:

maybe

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What about adopting?

Customer:

I will love to do that

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Other men tempt you. Are you thinking about having an affair?

Customer:

I did already

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Does he know?

Customer:

and I feel very bad about it

Customer:

he was very handsome

Customer:

and young

Customer:

it was something that give me some happiness at that moment

Customer:

but know I feel really bad

Customer:

sad and depress

Customer:

guilty and feel like a bad person

Customer:

and my husband has a best friend

Customer:

that some times I think they are gay

Customer:

I don t know I feel like im going to lose control

Customer:

realy sad

Customer:

frustated

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Lose control how?

Customer:

very

Customer:

like I want cry only

Customer:

I have many operations for polyps

Customer:

and know the pelvic floor is not working right

Customer:

we lost the house two years ago

Customer:

and I just feel tired

Customer:

my husband is a very nice man

Customer:

a gentleman but also

Customer:

he listening his family and his friend for decisions

Customer:

but not me

Customer:

and I feel sad about that too

Customer:

he spoil me in many ways

Customer:

I think he notice that im very sad

Customer:

but im also do not want to hurt him

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So you are not an equal partner but in some ways like his posession?

Customer:

yes sometimes I feel like that

Customer:

im his third wife

Customer:

he is my first marriage ,first husband and I hope the only one but today I do not know how to handle this

Customer:

he is very sweet

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you stay with him you will continue to be sad and he will feel it and that feeling will grow each day.

Customer:

like a teddy bear

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes but you want a man.

Customer:

yes i do

Customer:

and I thought it was him

Customer:

and that is why im so sad

Customer:

because I really thought he was the man of my life

Customer:

I cant even sleep

Customer:

at night

Customer:

im afraid to get hurt again

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have pain now and so does he. It will only end when you end the relationship. He WAS the man of your life for several years. But now this relationship makes you both sad.

Customer:

I being hurt

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes you are, and you are letting it happen.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is not on purpose.

Customer:

no

Customer:

im afraid to be alone

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The relationship is over but you don't want to hurt him or endure the pain of hurting him. It will hurt you to hurt him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are already alone in many ways.

Customer:

yes

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must find the courage to tell him that you cannot go on.

Customer:

im not sure

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will not be alone forever.

Customer:

I think I still love him

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are afraid of the unknown future.

Customer:

yes

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Of course you love him but you cannot have a working relationship with him any longer. You have tried and it just brings sadness to the both of you.

Customer:

yes

Customer:

I think so

Customer:

and he do not deserve this

Customer:

im afraid that other people take advantage of him

Customer:

but I can protect him

Customer:

he took his own food and prefer to be hungry

Customer:

before to let other person suffer

Customer:

big heart he has

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But you will resent him if you stay with him, and you will be hungry.

Customer:

and that is why I love him but that is not enough

Customer:

yes

Customer:

im from south America

Customer:

and I was six months there

Customer:

giving us some time

Customer:

we where living in his brother house in a farm

Customer:

I did not like it because I grow in a city

Customer:

so I left to south America

Customer:

and I told him that if we move back to orange county I will back to the apartament

Customer:

I was ready to left him but he find the apartment

Customer:

and he is working hard and know I feel like I have to be here for the commitment

Customer:

he works in the desert and his friend is here most of the week because is close to his job

Customer:

therefore I found his relationship with his friend extrange

Customer:

it is to close they speak every day five times even six times or more at day

Customer:

and when I trip to some where his friend expend the nights here

Customer:

I find his relationship with his friend weard

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But you are not ready to leave him and maybe you will never find the courage.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Or you will have to feel worse then now, and then you will find the courage.

Customer:

yes

Customer:

probably

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that you needed to talk about this, but you are the one who has to decide.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you leave him you will both be sad and then you will both be happy.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He will have his friend and you will have a better future.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let me recommend an interesting book to you:

Customer:

thank you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


I believe that you are trying to find the courage and talking about it this morning has helped you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are very welcome.

Customer:

yes

Customer:

what if he is gay?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers to find the courage you need to move on with your life.

Customer:

his family is very traditional

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If he is gay then he will be happy. His family will not find out.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is not your problem.

Customer:

What about me all this time

Customer:

being blind

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Now you can see and can therefore make better decisions about your life.

Customer:

I don't care if he is gay ,today he may is in the closet

Customer:

because his family

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This is not your problem.

Customer:

yes I know

Customer:

thank you

Customer:

so I should look for some one else

Customer:

and have courage

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Please focus on YOUR life and do what you need to do to be happy.

Customer:

and end this

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If that is the only way to end it, then find someone else.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Or, you could just end it and then find someone else.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need to be your own person first.

Customer:

I think that will be better

Customer:

end it and then find some one

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Stop belonging to someone else. Belong to yourself first.

Customer:

or be alone for certain time

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes. You are alone now and it is worse than being alone by yourself.

Customer:

yes alone I can do whatever I wont

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes. You can be free.

Customer:

thank you for your help I feel better

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

May God bless you and give you strength. Thank you .

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer:

thank you again

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so very welcome. Have a good and restful night.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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Customer: replied 11 months ago.


HELLO

I ALSO SAD BECAUSE THE YOUNG MAN

THAT I MEET IS FROM ISRAEL

AND WE BEING TALKING BI EMAIL

HE SAID THAT HE REALLY LIKES ME

AND HE WANTS TO MARRY ME

HE IS TRAVELING AND HE IS GGOINGG BACK TO HIS COUNTRY

IN OCTOBER.

THIS HAPPEN ON MAY ANDJUNE

AND TODAY IS BEING ALMOST TWO MONTHS THAT HE DONT WRITTE ANITHING.

I DO NOW IF I SHOULD WRITTE TO HIM

I WAS THE LAST ONE ,HE NEVER ANSWER BACK

HE KNOW S I LIVE IN USA.

HE IS YOUNGER EIGHT YEARS AND HE HAS OTHER RELIGION

I JUST FIND DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE HIM

I THINK I MAY HAVE TO DO THAT

BUT IWAS HHAPY DURING THE SHORT TIME THAT I EXPEND WITH HIM

IN SOUTH AMERICA,WE ACTUALLY MEET THERE.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Dear friend,

I am so sorry that you experienced this heartache with the man from Israel.

Maybe he felt he loved you when he was with you, and even said that he wanted to marry you, but actions speak louder than words. Perhaps he did not get your last communication to him and thinks that you are not interested in him. You waited two months however, and so did he, so neither of you have tried very hard to talk to each other.

I suggest that you write to him as soon as possible and see what he has to say. Most likely this was just a short-term romance and he has moved on. If he doesn't reply this time, then forget him and find someone else.

You cannot make other people do what they do not want to do.

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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