Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
It seems that, although your strong friendship and admiration for this man still exists, your marriage has come to the end.
what should I do
I love my husband
but I don't feel attractive to him sexually
plus he is getting weight
I understand, but do you want to stay with him and adopt children or be artificially inseminated?
That would only solve part of the problem.
we did in vitro last year
did not work
He no longer feels like your husband but as a beloved friend.
It you could get it to work (sometimes takes several tries) would that be enough?
What about adopting?
I will love to do that
Other men tempt you. Are you thinking about having an affair?
I did already
Does he know?
and I feel very bad about it
he was very handsome
it was something that give me some happiness at that moment
but know I feel really bad
sad and depress
guilty and feel like a bad person
and my husband has a best friend
that some times I think they are gay
I don t know I feel like im going to lose control
Lose control how?
like I want cry only
I have many operations for polyps
and know the pelvic floor is not working right
we lost the house two years ago
and I just feel tired
my husband is a very nice man
a gentleman but also
he listening his family and his friend for decisions
but not me
and I feel sad about that too
he spoil me in many ways
I think he notice that im very sad
but im also do not want to hurt him
So you are not an equal partner but in some ways like his posession?
yes sometimes I feel like that
im his third wife
he is my first marriage ,first husband and I hope the only one but today I do not know how to handle this
he is very sweet
If you stay with him you will continue to be sad and he will feel it and that feeling will grow each day.
like a teddy bear
Yes but you want a man.
yes i do
and I thought it was him
and that is why im so sad
because I really thought he was the man of my life
I cant even sleep
im afraid to get hurt again
You have pain now and so does he. It will only end when you end the relationship. He WAS the man of your life for several years. But now this relationship makes you both sad.
I being hurt
Yes you are, and you are letting it happen.
It is not on purpose.
im afraid to be alone
The relationship is over but you don't want to hurt him or endure the pain of hurting him. It will hurt you to hurt him.
You are already alone in many ways.
You must find the courage to tell him that you cannot go on.
im not sure
You will not be alone forever.
I think I still love him
You are afraid of the unknown future.
Of course you love him but you cannot have a working relationship with him any longer. You have tried and it just brings sadness to the both of you.
I think so
and he do not deserve this
im afraid that other people take advantage of him
but I can protect him
he took his own food and prefer to be hungry
before to let other person suffer
big heart he has
But you will resent him if you stay with him, and you will be hungry.
and that is why I love him but that is not enough
im from south America
and I was six months there
giving us some time
we where living in his brother house in a farm
I did not like it because I grow in a city
so I left to south America
and I told him that if we move back to orange county I will back to the apartament
I was ready to left him but he find the apartment
and he is working hard and know I feel like I have to be here for the commitment
he works in the desert and his friend is here most of the week because is close to his job
therefore I found his relationship with his friend extrange
it is to close they speak every day five times even six times or more at day
and when I trip to some where his friend expend the nights here
I find his relationship with his friend weard
But you are not ready to leave him and maybe you will never find the courage.
Or you will have to feel worse then now, and then you will find the courage.
I know that you needed to talk about this, but you are the one who has to decide.
If you leave him you will both be sad and then you will both be happy.
He will have his friend and you will have a better future.
Let me recommend an interesting book to you:
I believe that you are trying to find the courage and talking about it this morning has helped you.
You are very welcome.
what if he is gay?
I shall keep you in my prayers to find the courage you need to move on with your life.
his family is very traditional
If he is gay then he will be happy. His family will not find out.
That is not your problem.
What about me all this time
Now you can see and can therefore make better decisions about your life.
I don't care if he is gay ,today he may is in the closet
because his family
This is not your problem.
yes I know
so I should look for some one else
and have courage
Please focus on YOUR life and do what you need to do to be happy.
and end this
If that is the only way to end it, then find someone else.
Or, you could just end it and then find someone else.
You need to be your own person first.
I think that will be better
end it and then find some one
Stop belonging to someone else. Belong to yourself first.
or be alone for certain time
Yes. You are alone now and it is worse than being alone by yourself.
yes alone I can do whatever I wont
Yes. You can be free.
thank you for your help I feel better
May God bless you and give you strength. Thank you .
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
thank you again
You are so very welcome. Have a good and restful night.
I ALSO SAD BECAUSE THE YOUNG MAN
THAT I MEET IS FROM ISRAEL
AND WE BEING TALKING BI EMAIL
HE SAID THAT HE REALLY LIKES ME
AND HE WANTS TO MARRY ME
HE IS TRAVELING AND HE IS GGOINGG BACK TO HIS COUNTRY
THIS HAPPEN ON MAY ANDJUNE
AND TODAY IS BEING ALMOST TWO MONTHS THAT HE DONT WRITTE ANITHING.
I DO NOW IF I SHOULD WRITTE TO HIM
I WAS THE LAST ONE ,HE NEVER ANSWER BACK
HE KNOW S I LIVE IN USA.
HE IS YOUNGER EIGHT YEARS AND HE HAS OTHER RELIGION
I JUST FIND DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE HIM
I THINK I MAY HAVE TO DO THAT
BUT IWAS HHAPY DURING THE SHORT TIME THAT I EXPEND WITH HIM
IN SOUTH AMERICA,WE ACTUALLY MEET THERE.