Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your friend treated you this way, I can imagine how hurt it must make you feel
I believe your friend has two different personality disorders that are causing these symptoms, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (APD). Both of these disorder combined produce an individual that only thinks about themselves, has a lack of empathy, does not follow society's rules, and is quick to blame others and not take responsibility for his own actions. Here are links for both disorders to give you more detailed information
In addition sexual exhibition and sexual self-gratification can be a symptom of NPD
I am very worried about his well being as he is apt to overindulge in drugs but am unable to find him. I hope he isn't suicidal
Most likely with these personality disorders he is not suicidal at all, so I would not worry about that.
Yes individuals with these disorders do overindulge on drugs because they like the feeling of being high
yes he always seemed self reliant and got annoyed if I told him he relied on others
I think he had a parasitic lifestyle where he used other and their resources for his own gains, it goes far beyond being reliant on others.
this ostracism is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, makes me feel really low. I worry for his girlfriend
I would worry for his girlfriend because most likely he will use her for his own gain and then ostracize her as well
You have to understand individuals like this have a lack of emapathy that makes it hard for them to understand that they hurt others by their behavior, they only see themselves
I think he has left her with a child. im too shy or scared to go to her door and ask
He seems such a great guy. I don't trust my judgement of people now
No individuals with NPD and APD are very charming and manipulative, they even fool the best psychotherapists, so do not second guess your judgement, probably most of the time your judgement is correct on these situations
Individuals with these disorders have an amazing ability to read people and also have a "gift for gab" which means that they have a way with words
Do you think I should try to get an explanation from him. I think I can't move on. I need closure
I do not think that getting an explanation from him will help you because he may not be genuine with his explanation. Also it may open a door where he can hurt you again. I think that you are doing the right thing about seeing a therapist, which will help you with closure. One techniques that is particularly helpful is writing a letter with all of the your thoughts and feelings about him, do not hold anything back. And then after wards have a "ceremonial" ritual where you burn it or throw it away in some manner. This is meant to be a cathartic approach that will help you gain closure.
I never thought of that. Thank you
Another approach is to reserve a certain amount of time a day where you only think about him, say around 30 minutes. You have to only think about him during this time, but when that time is up you cannot think about him at all. When you get an urge to think about him, remind yourself "no I will only think about him during my set designated time" Then you lessen the time each week you think about him from 30 minutes to 20 minutes, and etc...
Anytime, is there anything else I can assist you with today?
No its just I have only glimpsed him once in these last 5 years when I was busy with 3 excitable kids in my friends car. He looked very guilty and regretful when we saw each other for no more than a couple of seconds; so that made me think maybe he was genuine and not lacking in feeling. Maybe not lol
In 5 years he may have changed and gotten help for his personality disorders that is a possibility, but it is very doubtful. Do you think during that glimpse that you only saw what you wanted to see because he hurt you so much?
That's a good question. No I don't think so. Im very good at reading faces; if im not being immodest. On certain occasions when I knew him I felt I got under the mask and got real emotion out of him. Maybe not
It is possible that he may feel guilty about what he did to you, some individuals do grow out of their personality disorders where the disorder itself is not so prominent.
I do hope so. Thank you again
Anytime, I am always happy to help
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ok will do. I will be back in touch