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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4308
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Here is an involved question. my best was very charming, outgoing,

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Here is an involved question. my best was very charming, outgoing, stubborn, lazy, liked drugs and drink to excess, tried to seduce me but then blamed me, borrowed money but never paid back, was very vain, avoided conflict, lived for the minute, didn't keep jobs for long, was superficial, cheerful, manipulative, always had to beat me even if he had to cheat, sexual exhibitionist, highly sexed. After 5 years he just cut all contact off from me for NO discernable reason! Refuses to speak to me? What is going on I feel very confused and upset!
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I am so sorry that your friend treated you this way, I can imagine how hurt it must make you feel

DoctorZ :

I believe your friend has two different personality disorders that are causing these symptoms, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (APD). Both of these disorder combined produce an individual that only thinks about themselves, has a lack of empathy, does not follow society's rules, and is quick to blame others and not take responsibility for his own actions. Here are links for both disorders to give you more detailed information

DoctorZ :

In addition sexual exhibition and sexual self-gratification can be a symptom of NPD

Customer:

I am very worried about his well being as he is apt to overindulge in drugs but am unable to find him. I hope he isn't suicidal

DoctorZ :

Most likely with these personality disorders he is not suicidal at all, so I would not worry about that.

DoctorZ :

Yes individuals with these disorders do overindulge on drugs because they like the feeling of being high

Customer:

yes he always seemed self reliant and got annoyed if I told him he relied on others

DoctorZ :

I think he had a parasitic lifestyle where he used other and their resources for his own gains, it goes far beyond being reliant on others.

Customer:

this ostracism is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, makes me feel really low. I worry for his girlfriend

DoctorZ :

I would worry for his girlfriend because most likely he will use her for his own gain and then ostracize her as well

DoctorZ :

You have to understand individuals like this have a lack of emapathy that makes it hard for them to understand that they hurt others by their behavior, they only see themselves

Customer:

I think he has left her with a child. im too shy or scared to go to her door and ask

Customer:

He seems such a great guy. I don't trust my judgement of people now

DoctorZ :

No individuals with NPD and APD are very charming and manipulative, they even fool the best psychotherapists, so do not second guess your judgement, probably most of the time your judgement is correct on these situations

DoctorZ :

Individuals with these disorders have an amazing ability to read people and also have a "gift for gab" which means that they have a way with words

Customer:

Do you think I should try to get an explanation from him. I think I can't move on. I need closure

DoctorZ :

I do not think that getting an explanation from him will help you because he may not be genuine with his explanation. Also it may open a door where he can hurt you again. I think that you are doing the right thing about seeing a therapist, which will help you with closure. One techniques that is particularly helpful is writing a letter with all of the your thoughts and feelings about him, do not hold anything back. And then after wards have a "ceremonial" ritual where you burn it or throw it away in some manner. This is meant to be a cathartic approach that will help you gain closure.

Customer:

I never thought of that. Thank you

DoctorZ :

Another approach is to reserve a certain amount of time a day where you only think about him, say around 30 minutes. You have to only think about him during this time, but when that time is up you cannot think about him at all. When you get an urge to think about him, remind yourself "no I will only think about him during my set designated time" Then you lessen the time each week you think about him from 30 minutes to 20 minutes, and etc...

Customer:

thank you

DoctorZ :

Anytime, is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Customer:

No its just I have only glimpsed him once in these last 5 years when I was busy with 3 excitable kids in my friends car. He looked very guilty and regretful when we saw each other for no more than a couple of seconds; so that made me think maybe he was genuine and not lacking in feeling. Maybe not lol

DoctorZ :

In 5 years he may have changed and gotten help for his personality disorders that is a possibility, but it is very doubtful. Do you think during that glimpse that you only saw what you wanted to see because he hurt you so much?

Customer:

That's a good question. No I don't think so. Im very good at reading faces; if im not being immodest. On certain occasions when I knew him I felt I got under the mask and got real emotion out of him. Maybe not

DoctorZ :

It is possible that he may feel guilty about what he did to you, some individuals do grow out of their personality disorders where the disorder itself is not so prominent.

Customer:

I do hope so. Thank you again

DoctorZ :

Anytime, I am always happy to help

DoctorZ :

If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me at anytime

DoctorZ :

I hope I provided you with excellent service

DoctorZ :

Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much

Customer:

ok will do. I will be back in touch

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4308
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.
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