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Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I can understand how this is distressing you, may I ask you for how long have you had a male sneaker fetish?
This first started when I was around the age 11. In therapy we did determine that I like sneakers do to wanting to be that person. My fetish is more centered around the idea of me wearing their shoes and not really on the premise of sniffing, having sex, or other actions with the shoe. Never really locked down the actual meaning of it.
Now you mentioned that you can be aroused watching gay pornography on occasion, but have ever had a sexual intimate encounter with a man before?
Never, I've talked to people on craigslist but never ever follow it up. Sometimes around a friend of mine I get aroused by his sneakers then I imagine having sex with him. But once the arousal is gone there is nothing : /
So the sneakers are what really trigger the sexual desire towards any males, what happens if the same male is not wearing a sneaker, are you still aroused?
Yes it definitely is a trigger. If I'm in the moment of arousal and they aren't wearing sneakers then it usually is still there. But That's if it was triggered before. If the person is not wearing sneakers then there isn't anything at all.
So I do not believe you are gay or bisexual in the traditional sense. I think what you are is something called Polysexuality, where you like multiple genders/sexual orientations in varying degrees. Polysexuality also incorporates fetishes as well, much better than the binary sexuality of homosexual versus heterosexuality. By the way fetishes may be abnormal in the sense that not many people have them, but most of them are harmless, so I would not worry too much.
Well my real problem is how to proceed. Therapy that I was getting didn't work really. It's gotten in the way of letting be intimate or having sexual arousal/feelings for a girl in a relationship.
What kind of therapy did you have? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Psychodynamic, Behavioral Modification, Hypnotherapy, etc...?
It was a version where I would close my eyes and revisit past memories. I imagined my self talkin to my old self and understanding how they felt during those times.
Okay, you had psychodynamic therapy. It is the worse kind of therapy for this issue because it does not deal with the here and now. The best kind of therapy for you would be CBT therapist that has a specialty is sex therapy, as fetishism is a component of sex therapy. CBT helps by focusing on the present, not the past, and helping you retrain your brain where this fetish does not have such a strong control over you as well as helping you regain your self-confidence with having an intimate relationship with women.
CBT can also help you incorporate your fetish in a healthy way to promote more intimacy with women
Yeah I originally quit the therapy as I felt it was not contributing to figuring out the problem and completing it.
Yeah you were in the wrong therapy modality, your therapist should have ethically told you that. The wrong type of therapy is like giving the wrong medication to someone with a medical condition, it just wont help.
Yeah it wasn't it actually stirred up old emotions and sent me into depression. Hence why I stopped. So CBT would be the correct and best way to combat it
I believe so, or Behavioral modification. Behavioral modification focuses on negative and positive reinforcement of the behavior. So Behavioral modification will focus on negative reinforcement to your behavior to make you not want to to do it anymore, it will cause you to not be aroused by that fetish anymore, although the lasting success rate for behavioral modification is not as good as CBT
I am sorry you rated me with poor service, may I ask why?