I am a patient being treated for:
Disorder - No substance abuse
* Borderline Personality Disorder
(No suicidal issues)
* Severe Codependency (But I grew up in a good fam)
I've been in an extremely volatile and codependent relationship for 4 years.
The relationship that I am in, is with a girl named Sarah. I met Sarah through a friend (named Jan) and she frequented a neighborhood bar that was easy walking distance from our apartments. Sarah is very pretty, seemed the girl next door, and very likable. After meeting her twice she gave me her number. Sarah and I had small dates here and there. But I did
notice she liked to drink.
Jan eventually warned me about Sarah and told me to stay away. I ignored this warning, thinking it was just those two not getting along. Sarah told me a story that Jan started an argument that she was jealous of Sarah over me. I found it odd as Jan and I never had that type of relationship. I shrugged it off.
XXXXX XXXXXved with her ex boyfriend (Bob). I remember she would want to avoid his car, but she would explain it away as, she didn't want to make him feel bad even though it was over. How stupid of me... and naive.
Eventually, they were evicted from that apartment complex because Bob lost his job. Bob had to move to Florida for a new job in the meantime, sending Sarah checks for rent and some money on the side. Sarah was waiting for disability because she had grand mal epileptic seizures which she contends gave her cognitive impairment.
I found it odd, and a bit wrong, that these seizures were untreated. Eventually, I had a neurologist look at it and he gave her topamax which controlled them.
I now was aware Sarah was possibly an alcoholic. But I was lonely. Somehow she lured me in. I don't believe Bob was an ex at all. I believe Sarah was taking Bob's rent money and spending it on alcohol. Which then led to another eviction.
At this time, my grandmother, who I was really close to was passing away with cancer. I was distraught.
Against my better instinct, I let Sarah move in rather than be on the street. My grandmother died and while I was at her funeral Sarah was moved in.
The codependent nightmare
erupted. I would say this is Codependent Cycle 1: Sarah's alcoholism was more extreme than I thought. She went to bars with old men, she hung out with two swingers, she even stayed the night at a cab drivers house because she was mad at me. That last one was the trigger for me to kick her out.
Segue: Bob returned from Florida, put her stuff in storage, and got her a hotel.
Somehow I missed her, thought about the good times, ignored the bad. She pleaded with me to take her back that things would be different. Our relationship was highly sexual- so of course that took place. And boom- she moved back in with me.
Codependency Cycle 2:
Things are fine for a month. Then back to the drinking. Only now it is wine. It is more expensive. She is still waiting for her disability so I am paying the bill. Her anger, belittling, and aggressiveness only got worse. Then she was hearing things. I'd wake up with her staring blankly at the TV. Then she blew up one night and hit/slapped me in the face. So I kicked her out again.
Segue: She moved to Austin (amazingly w Bob's help) with some "friends." She got on a state health plan that put her on Geodon, while she waited for disability. Again, Codependency symptoms hit hard, and I found out she was homeless. I put her in a hotel. Visited her. Then sure enough- I let her move back in.
Codependency Cycle 3: This time, things were fine again. We lived on a strip (I knew it was trouble) with a bunch of restaurants. This time, she was out meeting guys. Had guys numbers in her phones. At one point she tried to commit suicide with ambien. I called 911 and thankfully she lived. She finally got her disability and I told her to get her own place.
Segue: She gets her own apartment. But can't afford it. Like an idiot I help her.
Codependency Cycle 4: This time, I find more numbers in her phone. I can't take it anymore so I move. The goal... to get away from her. But I gave in ...
Codependency Cycle 5: We were supposed to go on vaca. She started building in hostility again. She tried to hit me with high heels over 20 dollars, so I canceled vaca. She later showed up at my apt and smashed a laptop I bought her among other things. And even threatened to grab a knife. Our mutual friend calmed her down and got her out of the apt. That's obviously psychotic.
Present: I'm sober about the situation. Writing this I can't believe how ridiculous this is, but how powerful codependency is. What is her problem? My OCD is pretty severe. I'm running out of room, but would you posit any link between OCD and Codependency? Now obviously it has to be over. But helping me understand how I fell into this trap would be insightful along with maybe who/what she is (psychiatric)