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Hello, I am happy to help you. What follow up questions do you have?
we talked yesterday about NPD and my husband
Yes I remember
i talked to someone today about intervention
That is really good that you talked to someone
where is this case the children of the family had reacted and confroted their dad
do you have any experience from that
yes it was because i learned that this is not too uncommon when it comes to men in their 50th's
Well with NPD, a family intervention can be helpful, but make sure not to cast blame directly on him. This can cause him to become defensive and may make him feel that this is a personal attack on him. This can cause him to escalate his aggressiveness and anger more.
ok so any advice how to do an intervention ?
What you want to do with an intervention is to keep the focus on a team and a partnership and that everybody has a role in this and that you want to help him and support him. This can show that you all share some responsibility with his behavior, even though it is not true necessarily, but he will respond better to this.
You want to get family members and friends that have been particularly hurt by his behavior and people that can give detailed stories about this.
Also get family and friends that he looks up to as well, people he respects and admires
ok understand so the same as i have to do, even though hard sometimes, but play it out very carefully and rehearse?
If you want you can rehearse, but not too much because then it may not sound genuine to him if you know what I mean. Everything should come from the heart and be open and honest with him, but also allow for him to speak too. He needs a chance to tell his side and explain himself or he will just feel like he is being attacked by everyone with their stories
since i am the one he feels has a larger responsibilty, should i take on a larger role
he's been to a therapist today, which is good news
the bad news is, he did not share it with me beforehand
You can lead the intervention group, but that does not mean that you do not have to talk the most. In fact he may be more apt to helping himself if he hears from other objective individuals, like friends and family.
Why is it bad news that he did not share with you his visit with the therapist?
and what have learned from reading about NPD is that they sometimes manipulate in therapy, which worries me
is it true they do?
That is true, they can manipulate, but if he directly told the therapist that he has narcissism issues then his manipulation will be seen by the therapist throughout his therapy
which i don't know if he did
so my worry based on our shared experience of therapy i that he he is seeking confirmation for his anger towards me
Well it is only one session, so you cannot get a lot from one session in therapy, but it is a good sign that he went and took the initiative to go. He may not have told you before because he was ashamed that he needs help
yes true and i told i was happy he took the step
What I would do is after 2 months ask if you can attend one of his therapy sessions to see what they have been talking about and if it is going in a direction that you feel is helpful for him and your relationship
ok thanks good advice
so your advice is to just stay as calm as possible and see what happens
Well right now because he is going to therapy, monitor his behavior and see there have been any changes in it. Hopefully his behavior and anger management will be better.
he was very persistent that is was his business and that i should not mind
which i do
i do mind
Therapy is a very private matter and I think he just feels ashamed about going and asking for help. When an NPD has to ask for help it is a big blow to their self-esteem, so he may be a little resentful at first, but then he will get used to it, which is why I say wait two months until you ask to attend one of his sessions
i told you yesterday that i called this women help line, maybe it pushed him in the right direction?
Yes I remember you calling and it scared him and I believe that he left for a couple of days
It may have been a wake up call for him to push him to seek help
then it produced something good because it has been eating me since he went so angry
You are right this is a big first step in the right direction for him and your relationship. You will not see any benefits right away as therapy is a gradual process, but hopefully you will start to see improvement and effort on his part soon
yes and it is a big step for him to take and i am happy and have to be patient
thanks, XXXXX XXXXX my follow up answers
It will take some time and yes you do have to be patient, but hopefully this will work well for him. He may have a few missteps along the way, so just try to be supportive and remind him of his therapeutic teachings that he is learning
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i will thanks
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i will good night
I wish you and your husband the best of luck
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