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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10627
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I have a question about my son. First, Ill give you a little

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I have a question about my son. First, I'll give you a little history. Me and his father split up when he was three. Ever since then he has wanted nothing to do with him. In an effort to rekindle their relationship I offered to allow him to spend this upcoming school year with him. My son is begging me not to make him go. He will be seven next month. I'm worried it will do more harm than good if we force the relationship on him like this. Will this have a negative psychological effect on my child?

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I am sorry that you are going through this dilemma about having your son develop a relationship with his father, when he seems adamant that he does not want to

DoctorZ :

May I ask, has your son told you why he does not want to visit his father?

Customer:

He tells me because he doesn't like him and he is mean.

DoctorZ :

Okay, well it sounds like he is very resentful to his father for something. It is possible that his father mistreated him in some way, so I do not think forcing him to go would be in his best interest. You can do joint visits with his father, like going to the park, a movie, a restaurant to see how and he father interact. This can allow for your son to ease in his relationship with his father.

DoctorZ :

Also if your son is still adamant against this, then may be seeing a child therapist would be a good idea to explore the deeper reasons why your son does not want to be with his father.

Customer:

Unfortunately we have lived in different states since the slip. I'm in the military so we move a lot, and his dad went back to our hometown

DoctorZ :

Oh, I understand. Then I would not push your son to go as he is so adamant at this point, but instead have him see a child therapist for a few sessions to explore the reasons why and address the concerns that your son has about his father. These concerns can then be communicated to his father and possibly a remedy/compromise can be established.

DoctorZ :

It is possible that his negative feelings for his father could be because he witnessed one or two instances of his father being mean and this is the image that has stuck in his mind. A therapist can give your son perspective and help him see the positives of his father as well

Customer:

That makes sense. My son will still talk about the time me and his had an argument and he slammed and pinned me to the wall by my neck. I think it is a mixture of that and him feeling like he abandoned us. I still remember distinctly the day his dad left he looked at me and said he doesn't like him or want to see him because he left us

DoctorZ :

Yeah I think your son is still going through that trauma and that is why he does not want to go, which in understandable. His father may want to think about visiting for short periods of time, if he can, to show his son that he has changed and is not that person anymore. Therapy can help your son see this side of his father and maybe help him forgive his father and try to re-establish the relationship from there.

Customer:

Ok thank you for your insight

DoctorZ :

Anytime, I am always happy to help

DoctorZ :

Is there anything else I can do to assist you today?

Customer:

No thank you

DoctorZ :

Well i want to wish you and your son the best of luck with everything.

DoctorZ :

If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact me at anytime.

DoctorZ :

I hope I provided you with excellent service today.

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX they can move past this period. He is getting older and is going to need his dad eventually.

DoctorZ :

You son is still young and I think he will be able to move past this, but his father will have to prove it to him by his actions that he is not that same man that your son remembers.

Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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