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I am so sorry that you have been experiencing this. A fire is a very serious thing and thinking that your boyfriend did it is also very serious. It is possible that he asked someone to set fire to your place because he is angry with you and it is also possible someone is trying to get to him from the outside by getting to you. Did you ask the police what could have caused fire, and if anyone saw the person that did it (e.g. descritpion)?
Your boyfriend also has typical traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) and individuals with these traits do not respond well to rejection, so he may have acted this way because of the times that you broke up with because of his abuse.
Also individuals with NPD are very manipulative and can be very charming like you described. This is a way for them to get what they want
Here are some links explaining NPD and APD better.
It is definitely suspicious since he usually emails you every night, but this time he did not. Also while many individuals that are incarcerated are usually pretty defensive, his defensiveness appears to be excessive as well as trying to shift blame of this fire to someone else, like your cousin. Did you mention this to the police at all because they can work with correctional staff and see if he had any suspicious correspondence with someone that could have set the fire.
I understand that, but it does not hurt to mention it to the police as a possible motive and they can investigate and either clear him or not. The police have greater resources in this department, in addition they can try adding an extra patrol car near you to prevent anyone from trying this again
With your boyfriend's history of emotional abuse and threats against you, I would say that your suspicions are not unfounded.
Are you currently concerned about your safety?
They do keep track of the emails and look through their postal mail, as well as reserve the right to listen and record their phone calls. If you are concerned about your safety, can you stay with a friend or family member for a short period of time? Or even at a hotel possibly?
That is good that you are moving, and keep it a secret from him for your safety is my advice. Since you strongly suspect him, many police departments have victim services funds and can provide you with some money to help pay for a hotel if you are concerned about being in your house for the next 3 days. In addition, some women's shelters and domestic violence centers can help you as well.
I doubt that because he seemed readily able to blame your cousin for the fire, if he was truly being self-less he would not have said that. Most individuals with NPD and APD only think about themselves and not others, so I do not think he is acting this way out of guilt. Also it does not explain his behavior on why he did not email you that night like he usually does.
I am leaning to that based on his past behavior and current behavior, but that is not necessarily evidence that is used in a court of law, but it is suspicious on his part. I have testified on a number of cases as a forensic psychologist and his behaviors are consistent with NPD and APD, so setting fire to your house with you in it is a strong possibility.
Well most likely he wont talk about it again and just avoid talking about it or change subjects when talking about it. But for signs that he may hurt you are if he escalates his emotional or verbal abuse, makes threats to you with details, and tries to be controlling as well are all significant signs of possible future physical violence towards you. In my opinion I do not think you should take this man back at all, he has been emotionally and verbally abusive to you, made threats against you, and possibly tried to hurt you by way of the fire.
Yes I think it would be wise to not go back to this man and find someone else that will treat you a lot better
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I want to wish you the best of luck and please remember to be safe
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