I am currently in DBT for a moderate-severe anxiety
disorder; however, my history includes an eating disorder (which I was first diagnosed with as an adolescent). My anxiety has improved tremendously, but my eating disorder has started to re-emerge; quite frankly, I think this is the most obsessed I've been with my weight since I was 17. I'm in my late twenties now.
I've tried telling my DBT therapist about this via my DBT diary card -- at one point, I actually flat-out said I was way too obsessed with my weight. Other times, I've relayed stories about arguments/difficulties I've had due to my fear of eating certain foods, etc. Not once has she addressed any of the eating disorder-related diary card entries. In fact, I think she is actively ignoring them. I am trying to understand if she thinks I am using the eating disorder to avoid talking about other things, or if she wants me to bring it up verbally in a session. While the thing about avoidance may have been true initially, it has gone way past that now, and I'm not sure what to do to get her to address it with me.
Some backstory here -- I have a very difficult time bringing things up in therapy -- partly due to a fear of intimacy, and partly because I'm afraid the therapist will think I am bringing up the "wrong" topic. So typically I let the therapist guide the session (which is actually pretty standard in DBT). What I'm trying to say is, even if I had the opportunity to bring up the eating disorder in a session, I don't think I would have the courage to. I started using the diary card to get around my fear of bringing things up verbally. I did
that once and it worked -- the next few times I tried to do that, she made up something about how she hadn't had a chance to read my diary card prior to the session, and read it with me sitting right in front of her. I can't tell you how dreadful that was to me. Now I'm scared even to put down things in my diary card. I'm just not ready to initiate difficult topics of conversation within a session, if that makes sense. I'm happy to put it down in my diary card and then talk about it if she brings it up, but I can't just bring it up myself - I'm not there yet. Writing these things in my diary card to begin with was a HUGE step for me. Anyway, any advice/insight you can give me would be much appreciated.