Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am sorry that your daughter has been expressing this type of behavior and I can understand why this is concerning to you.
May I ask, I know you just recently noticed this behavior of her lying, but in hindsight do you think she has been doing this for a long while or only recently?
I think she has been lying and manipulative for years. I think her two older brothers saw it but knew I wouldn't believe them if they told me.
Does she typically get jealous of other's accomplishments and expect a lot of praise and validation?
I would say yes she does get jealous of other's accomplishments but I say no to the praise and validation
Okay, well it sounds like she may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or just some traits of the disorder. The frequent lying, not taking responsibility, and being jealous of others are classic symptoms of this disorder. Here is a link that can help provide more details on this.
In all the research I have done on this, that is where I end up as well. I will go to that website. I am a very positive, happy person. I have lost two husbands to death and my children have lost two fathers. I am surprised she is not the person I always thought she was. That would explain why everything is about HER. Not her children! I probably haven't helped her by giving her money and helping with financial obligations since her ex hasn't paid a dime. I always want to keep her from the black hole she was in when her husband left.... Thank you!
If you daughter went into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and really tried to get help, not try to manipulate, she would see a lessening of these symptoms and can be more honest with who she is. But most individuals with NPD do not seek therapy because they do not think there is anything wrong with them, so the challenge is getting them through that door, but it is possible and it can have tremendous benefits.
Any suggestions on how to do that?
Well with her, you cannot be gentle usually. I would say ask her first if she would be willing to go to therapy to talk about her issues, definitely try to convince her. If she says no, then you may have to almost force it in a way, like you will not give her any more financial help unless she agrees to go to therapy consistently. This is not the most ideal approach, but it is something that an individual with NPD responds to the most.
Ok. When she got divorced last year, she sent texts to her ex telling him she would kill him if she could find him. When he had had enough of her harassment, he called me to see what I thought of him going to the police with it. At that point, I didn't know what to do so I told him to do it since something had to change. Well that caused my family to convince her to admit herself to a mental facility so she didn't go to jail. I am sure she just told them what they wanted to hear and was out in two days.
So I need to be FIRM and direct with her. Thanks again for your advice!
Individuals with NPD are very manipulative so it is possible that she just told them what she wanted to hear. Also individuals with NPD hate being rejected and most likely that is why she reacted the way she did with her ex-husband.
Anytime, I am always happy to help. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Yes, probably much more, but let's work on one issue at a time! :) Thanks
Okay, well if you have any other questions or concerns you are more than welcome to contact me at anytime.
I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.
Thank you very much!
I hope I provided you with excellent service today.