Thank you for requesting me. I am more than happy to respond to your question.
I am so sorry this is happening to you and to your marriage.
Let's start at the beginning with the affairs. He had an affair because of lust. You had an affair because of loneliness. You felt great guilt since the affair and have not been able to fully forgive yourself. You had no intention of telling him...but his disclosure lead to your disclosure. Truly that was an opportunity to bring healing and honesty to each of you and to your marriage. As painful as these revelations have been...this needed to happen. The basis for a strong marriage is, in my opinion, 100% honesty.
However, his continuing to be angry at you for your affair cannot continue. There should be healing and forgiveness for both of you. No double standard should apply.
The affairs must be approached as unfortunate and poor choices on each of your parts and a full attempt to forgive each other, with the promise of 100% honesty going forward.
If this means seeing a marriage counselor...then do that. If that means the two of you going on a marriage retreat, meeting with a trusted friend for support, do that. I encourage you to work to repair this breach in your trust and your marital vows.
As to this woman who has been contacting your husband and then your mutual choice that he "date" her. As a clinical psychologist of some 30 years, I need to be honest in saying this was a very bad choice. I do think that you are still suffering from enormous guilt for your affair and that you may have seen this as a way to appease your husband and make up for your behavior. He has not forgiven you and you may be trying to do all you can to safe the marriage and to please him. I also think that your own emotional state is fragile because of your pregnancy. Your hormones are all over the place...reacting clearly to such emotional upheaval as the affair and now this other woman is placing a huge burden on you!
I can understand how your husband would feel confused and upset by having "dated" this woman. What was to be accomplished by his seeing her? You want the marriage...you want your children to grow up in an intact family. Him having an affair - even if you know about it - isn't going to keep your marriage together.
Believe me, I do understand how you might have thought agreeing to the "date" would solve some issues. But in reality it didn't and won't. Now the two of you have yet another breach in your relationship to deal with. I am so sorry.
Each of you have been put in a very awkward situation. He went on a date with a hot, hot woman. A woman that knows he is married and asked him to have an affair. What does that tell you about her intentions? Your husband - who is angry at you about a past affair - told you about this woman. That was an attempt to be 100% honest with you. You got caught in your own insecurity and guilt and agreed to have him date her. Neither of you were able to see the ramifications of this situation. That is truly unfortunate.
And now he is not talking and is still angry. And now you are hurting, filled with guilt, worried about your marriage.
When I look at both of these events - the affairs and this date - I want to strongly encourage you to see a marital therapist. The two of you need an outside person to help you progress and explore your choices in these matters and to heal the wounds that have been created. Right now you are both stuck in your own emotional nightmares
Would therapy be something you would consider?