I met my boyfriend 2 and a half years ago. He was previously married and had an affair which destroyed his marriage. Unbeknownst to me, he was still involved with this woman when we met and he continued the affair for another year. Our first year together. I discovered the affair and left.
He begged me to come back, and I started therapy with him, which I thought was very productive. He was very supportive of the emotions I was cycling through and would promise he would never lapse again.
Apart from the lying and cheating, our relationship was very good.
Once I had recovered mostly about 13 months later, he started acting slightly distant, and blamed this on his work. High pressure environment, lots of travel/stress
. I was also stressed as I have a high pressure job and was also running a charity ball on behalf of his family.
During this time I discovered that he had restarted the affair without my knowledege for 5 months. He says that she chased him for a whole year, he never picked up the phone and then one day she called him from a private number, this reignited feelings and then things became sexualised again.
He has been on and off with this woman for 6 years, through his previous marriage and now with me. She is married to someone else, and has a child as well.
He wants to try again, and is saying he was caught in a shame cycle even though the therapist we worked with said they had worked on this for 13 months. He claims there are no other issues in our relationship to work through.
I'm struggling to understand this, and it seems to me he could have some type of addiction issues or avoidant issues.
I am 32 and we are not married, although were planning on getting engaged.