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I think that I can help.
It seems that you have a great deal of anxiety.
Did you ever harm yourself in any way (such as cutting)?
Do you have a bad temper?
If you could answer my questions I could be of better help to you.
Yes I use to be a cutter and still struggle not to and sometimes still do on occasions. Yes I do have a bad temper I have punched walls and things.
I believe that you have what is known as Borderline Personality Disorder, which comes from a fear of or experience of being abandoned, which you were by your father, and then had the threat of abandonment by your mother.
Let me show you the diagnostic criteria for BPD from the psychiatric diagnostic manual known as the DSM-IV.
diagnostic "bible", the DSM-IV.
BPD – DSM-IV
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternation between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance - markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging, e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving or binge-eating.
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood, e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety, which usually lasts for between a few hours and several days.
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness
8. Inappropriate, intense anger, or difficulty controlling anger, e.g. frequent displays of temper, constant anger or recurrent physical fights.
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
Anyone with six or more of the above traits and symptoms may be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. However, the traits must be long-standing (pervasive), and there must be no better explanation for them, e.g. physical illness, a different mental illness or substance misuse.
You carry this fear of abandonment over to your relationship with your boyfriend.
You imagine the worse and get very upset.
Your behavior fits in perfectly with BPD.
What can you do about it?
The best treatment is a type of therapy known as Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It is a gentle talk therapy that helps to change your thoughts and is very effective.
I want you to purchase some books that will help you understand what is going on with you and help you overcome this.
The first is about a young woman named Rachel who tells her story about how she overcame Borderline Personality Disorder. Then a book to start self-therapy with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) from which you could move on to a live therapist if you wish.
I might recommend a third book on BPD to give you another perspective. Here they are:
I know that you can get better.
You have not commented on what I have said but I think you will agree that I have given you very valuable information. Please le me know.
Is there any other way I can serve you?
Sorry I was just waiting till you finished I kept seeing that you were still typing icon I did not want to interrupt. I understand what your saying and I knew there had to be something wrong with me. I will get the books I prefer self help because I do not have insurance to get therapy.
If you are going to do that, let me recommend a second self-help book. Two different approaches are more effective. I also appreciate your nice manner. I often find that people with BPD are often very sweet even though they can have a bad temper.
Here is the other book:
I shall keep you in my prayers for recovery. I believe that you will be able to learn a lot from the four books I am urging you to get.
People do change, and medications are not the answer or cure for this disorder, but learning to understand yourself and use new behavior patterns.
Thank you. I also have social anxiety I think I can't go into a group of people I don't know and even family gatherings. I have panic attacks and can't talk on the phone very easily or go in to public places without a friend. I was badly bullied in school.
I understand that you have social anxiety and I would like to recommend a good workbook for that. There are WORKbooks which means you follow them like a school course in order to change yourself and learn new ways of dealing with the world.
Give me a moment and I shall retrieve it from my file.
This has just been released. I have heard it is excellent. It also uses the mindfulness approach. Then I will also recommend another approach, also an excellent workbook.
That should be a lot of reading for you. Just take them one step at a time. I recommend the book by Rachel Reiland first. She takes you into the depths of her worst moments and shows how she emerges.
I feel like a mean teacher who gives too much homework. :)
Ok. Thank you very much for your help. I really appreciate it
I am so glad to help you and wish you heartfelt success.
May God bless and protect you. Warm regards. Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC