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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10630
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My ex husband and I have been apart for almost a year now.

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My ex husband and I have been apart for almost a year now. He dated someone for awhile and he is single again. We have not had a lot of contact over the last few months because our marriage was very rocky. We were together for 9 years and my children are not biologically his however that is all they know. He became abusive toward me and starting smoking a lot of Pot. He stopped working and just stayed at home while I worked. I felt he chose a substance over the kids and me. We started fighting all the time about this, and, my low self esteem made me jealous and I felt like I could never trust him. Again this was my insecurities. the last couple months of our marriage is when he became abusive twice to me. I felt like he chose his friends over us. He moved out and I just hurried up and ignored him being gone from our lives. I got the divorce and a huge weight was lifted. My family never liked him. I always felt torn for being married to him. I than moved and didn't tell him. changed my number and everything. My life changed for the better. I later on did tell him my number but we still didn't talk a lot . the last two weeks we have started to talk and he has told me that he wants to get back to the way it was. he misses me and the kids. he says he has gone out and partied and realized he needed to grow up and become independent. right now he lives with his mom. he is getting ssi because of his back and I let him stay the night here one night. I am so stressed about what to do over this. I loved him so much however I lost me with him. I have found me and I wish that I could be with him and that everything would be good. I am not sure what to do. my family would dis own me and our lives seem so different except he says that he wants us to be together if it happens in the future but not to rush . he calls everyday now and tell me he loves me often. what am I going to do??

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

I am sorry that you went through that abuse during your marriage to this man, I can understand why you are torn over this.

DoctorZ :

May I ask, you mentioned he starting becoming abusive to you and then started to use marijuana, what do you think made him start to become abusive and why do you think it will be different this time?

DoctorZ :

While everyone can change for the better, I would be wary over this because it seems like you were with this man for 9 years and he did not act abusive in the beginning of your relationship with him, so I just want to make sure that he would not again.

DoctorZ :

Some couples that have divorced or ended the relationship and spent some time apart have actually sought couples counseling to see if getting back together was a good decision, since it seems like counseling helped you after the divorce would you and him be willing to go to couples counseling to see if getting back together would lead to a healthy relationship?

DoctorZ :

I see that you are offline right now, but when you get back online I would be very interested in continuing this discussion with you and talking about any further ideas regarding your concern, so if you respond in the chat box I will be able to get back to you as soon as possible.

Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you