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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5112
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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i need a way to cope with some problems.

Resolved Question:

i need a way to cope with some problems.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

DoctorZ :

Developing coping strategies for current and future issues are a good way to help you psychologically, so you are taking the right first steps by asking for help

DoctorZ :

May I ask what are the problems that you have that would like help coping with?

Customer:

i am so concerned to control things

Customer:

i critize

Customer:

can t let go

Customer:

i have talked to you before

Customer:

about my husband s issue

Customer:

he had a delayed ejaculation problem and he had masturbation adidtion

Customer:

we now decided to have a chidren

DoctorZ :

Oh yes, I remember

Customer:

i feel tired

Customer:

last day when i lerarned he did mast. i freaked out

Customer:

and i know it was wrong

DoctorZ :

Well it was not wrong necessarily, because you were upset with him, is that correct?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

i felt dissappointed

Customer:

and i started saying things like, i try but you cut it of by doing that etc

DoctorZ :

Were you angry at all, or just disappointed?

Customer:

angry too

Customer:

because 10 minutes ago

Customer:

i was saying that ok i am ready for a child...

DoctorZ :

Okay well I think you had a right to be angry, but you just have to express it more assertively and productively, here is a good exercise that can help you with that

Customer:

ok

Customer:

ok i ll read

DoctorZ :

Now you mentioned that you criticize as well and that you would like to stop that too

Customer:

yes

Customer:

i make a great deal about everything esp. this issue

DoctorZ :

Okay, well the anger decision sheet should help with that as well.

DoctorZ :

In addition most critical thoughts are also caused by negative thoughts so this technique called a thought record may help you calm down more and cope better too

DoctorZ :

It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more positive and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Customer:

negative thoughts seems to protect me feel disapponited

DoctorZ :

But if you help change the negative thought process you will not be as critical or argue as much, this will also help you cope better in the long run too.

Customer:

i think about this thing too much

Customer:

and mak it very important

Customer:

i think this way

Customer:

if this problem isn t solved

Customer:

it will be a very hard thing to have a child or

Customer:

is that the ting that we can solve the problem by wanting a baby

Customer:

or

Customer:

in any case we did that

Customer:

what will happen when i am pregnant

Customer:

the old habits wil lwelcome?

Customer:

they did not go even

DoctorZ :

I understand your concern and this is something that can be treated. The old habits may come back when you are pregnant because you will be more emotional,but that will usually be short term. If you work on this now and during your pregnancy you should be fine and the old habits will not come back.

Customer:

old habits , i mean my husband s habits

Customer:

my concern is about the sexuality

DoctorZ :

Oh for him it is possible that they may come back, because addictions are usually a response to stress and having a child is stressful

DoctorZ :

But if he works on it and does his best to communicate with you that he is having trouble and that you support him, then they should not come back

Customer:

do you think this will be solved

Customer:

inm y country

Customer:

there are not experienced professionals about this

Customer:

i think...

DoctorZ :

Most therapists can help you husband with his issues actually because like I said his addictive behavior is most likely a response to an internal issue like anxiety or stress, so the therapist can help him with his anxiety to help control his habit

Customer:

the therapist does not seem to talk about these

Customer:

when he is alone

Customer:

he can t resist

DoctorZ :

When you say that the therapist does not seem to talk about his habits, is that because the subject is not being brought up by him?

Customer:

no he talks about it

Customer:

he says don t do...

Customer:

he adviced me to longer the foreplay

Customer:

he give me info about the level of stiumlation for people

Customer:

he said it changes

Customer:

make the foreplay longer

DoctorZ :

Okay, but you are right your therapist is not addressing the masturbation addiction issue. You can try going to another therapist if you life. But some key tenants to help avoid masturbation addiction is to remove triggers from the house (e.g. pornography), try not be alone too often, if he feels an urge then he should keep his hands busy by doing some work, and he should engage in relaxation exercises to help lessen his stress/anxiety

Customer:

ok i ll tell about these to my husband

Customer:

actually he does n t want to talk

Customer:

after my freaking out

DoctorZ :

Well give him some time to cool off because he probably feel bad that you "freaked out" at him and then you can bring it up if you like

Customer:

ı don t feel relaxed

Customer:

if i let go i think he might let go...

Customer:

i don t know

Customer:

maybe we need some time

DoctorZ :

Have you used any of those relaxation techniques I mentioned that your husband should do?

Customer:

no unfortunately i did not save the conversation las time

DoctorZ :

Okay, well here they are again. These are some good relaxation techniques that help to calm down individuals within minutes.

Customer:

thanks

DoctorZ :

Anytime. And use that thought record and anger decision sheet, they will help you a lot

Customer:

ok, thanks

DoctorZ :

Is there anything else you wanted to ask me or have me assist you with?

Customer:

no thanks

DoctorZ :

Okay, well if you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact me at anytime.

DoctorZ :

I hope I provided you with excellent service

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5112
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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