Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
Developing coping strategies for current and future issues are a good way to help you psychologically, so you are taking the right first steps by asking for help
May I ask what are the problems that you have that would like help coping with?
i am so concerned to control things
can t let go
i have talked to you before
about my husband s issue
he had a delayed ejaculation problem and he had masturbation adidtion
we now decided to have a chidren
Oh yes, I remember
i feel tired
last day when i lerarned he did mast. i freaked out
and i know it was wrong
Well it was not wrong necessarily, because you were upset with him, is that correct?
i felt dissappointed
and i started saying things like, i try but you cut it of by doing that etc
Were you angry at all, or just disappointed?
because 10 minutes ago
i was saying that ok i am ready for a child...
Okay well I think you had a right to be angry, but you just have to express it more assertively and productively, here is a good exercise that can help you with that
ok i ll read
Now you mentioned that you criticize as well and that you would like to stop that too
i make a great deal about everything esp. this issue
Okay, well the anger decision sheet should help with that as well.
In addition most critical thoughts are also caused by negative thoughts so this technique called a thought record may help you calm down more and cope better too
It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more positive and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.
negative thoughts seems to protect me feel disapponited
But if you help change the negative thought process you will not be as critical or argue as much, this will also help you cope better in the long run too.
i think about this thing too much
and mak it very important
i think this way
if this problem isn t solved
it will be a very hard thing to have a child or
is that the ting that we can solve the problem by wanting a baby
in any case we did that
what will happen when i am pregnant
the old habits wil lwelcome?
they did not go even
I understand your concern and this is something that can be treated. The old habits may come back when you are pregnant because you will be more emotional,but that will usually be short term. If you work on this now and during your pregnancy you should be fine and the old habits will not come back.
old habits , i mean my husband s habits
my concern is about the sexuality
Oh for him it is possible that they may come back, because addictions are usually a response to stress and having a child is stressful
But if he works on it and does his best to communicate with you that he is having trouble and that you support him, then they should not come back
do you think this will be solved
inm y country
there are not experienced professionals about this
Most therapists can help you husband with his issues actually because like I said his addictive behavior is most likely a response to an internal issue like anxiety or stress, so the therapist can help him with his anxiety to help control his habit
the therapist does not seem to talk about these
when he is alone
he can t resist
When you say that the therapist does not seem to talk about his habits, is that because the subject is not being brought up by him?
no he talks about it
he says don t do...
he adviced me to longer the foreplay
he give me info about the level of stiumlation for people
he said it changes
make the foreplay longer
Okay, but you are right your therapist is not addressing the masturbation addiction issue. You can try going to another therapist if you life. But some key tenants to help avoid masturbation addiction is to remove triggers from the house (e.g. pornography), try not be alone too often, if he feels an urge then he should keep his hands busy by doing some work, and he should engage in relaxation exercises to help lessen his stress/anxiety
ok i ll tell about these to my husband
actually he does n t want to talk
after my freaking out
Well give him some time to cool off because he probably feel bad that you "freaked out" at him and then you can bring it up if you like
ı don t feel relaxed
if i let go i think he might let go...
i don t know
maybe we need some time
Have you used any of those relaxation techniques I mentioned that your husband should do?
no unfortunately i did not save the conversation las time
Okay, well here they are again. These are some good relaxation techniques that help to calm down individuals within minutes.
Anytime. And use that thought record and anger decision sheet, they will help you a lot
Is there anything else you wanted to ask me or have me assist you with?
Okay, well if you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact me at anytime.
I hope I provided you with excellent service