Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know you have been having problems in your relationship.
Many difficulties become problems when we do not know how to effectively cope with them because of different reasons, from lack of necessary communication, intimacy or trust issues, different values and more. Romantic relationships are tough since they trigger and demand the most from us in comparison to any other type of relationship.
Some of the questions a mental health professional- couples therapist would ask include inviting each of you to describe the concrete issues you have been facing, the way you have been feeling about them, what you believe is the case-s of them, what have you tried, what has worked or not for you, and which are your core needs and expectations in the relationship. From there the therapist and you would get n initial picture of your situation, not only because of the information each of you provide, but from the very behaviors you show during the session, from your mood, words you choose, tone f voice, attitude towards each other, the therapist and more.
Thank you for joining the chat.
will going to see some one together open a 'can of worms' and make things worse? or will it help us ask each other what is really going on. i need to know if the counselor can help resolve these issues
Both could happen, depending on your personal and relationship issues, your level of maturity and accountability, willingness to work on yourselves and in the relationship, and also on how competent, ethical and experienced the professional happens to be.
Every worthy change-improvement requires effort, and many times confrontation and even crisis, but healthy not destructive ones. If the person is not willing to acknowledge personal issues affecting the relationship, and to take responsibility for her-his own feelings, choices and actions, then counseling or psychotherapy would be useless.
But if both are willing to work on it as responsible adults, then it could be very helpful as long as with a good professional.
i cheated on her and we never resolved the issues and its now come to a sour end with a break up. she wants space to process whats going on. is counseling the way to go? or just give up
It depends on what each of you want and are willing to afford. If both of you do want to work on it, then please get professional support. If only one is willing to do it, then it would not work.
Most times couples counseling requires one or both partners to get into individual counseling to work on their personal issues leading to or fuelling the marital problems, and only if that happens, couples counseling could be beneficial.
This happens this way if there are any serious personal issue limiting the relationship.
so you suggest i seek personal help first before seeking couple counseling?
Denying or avoiding to work on any serious issue do never help but lead to further problems.
If you feel you are not clear about your feelings, about what led you not to be loyal, and unsure of what you want about this relationship, the professional support would be very beneficial.
Once a person knows what he wants, has not serious issues undermining his ability to be in and build a relationship, then couples counseling would be very beneficial to work with his partner on the couples problems.
okay. your the first person i have spoken to about any of it. very helpful.
I am glad to know you took this initiative. Please assess your core needs and expectations about this relationship and take consistent action tp create changes, if necessary with professional support.
Thank you for your trust.