A few days have passed and my emotions keep changing. I told him I would forgive him, but could never forget the betrayal. He said he didn't betray me because nothing ever happened, yet he had no clear answer as to why he would get phone numbers in bars from other women, just that he was a flirt. I also believe it may have been going on longer than I suspect; that is, getting phone numbers from other women. Whether anything happened, I guess I will never know, and that is what is really bothersome, and the fact that he has no clear answer as to why he would do this. I said that innocent flirting is one thing, but when you call them, that is different. Most of the phone calls were one minute or less, so I really don't know what happened.
I told him that maybe we should just be friends and that I would always care for him, that maybe he should see other people, and he said no, that he traveled 6,000 miles to be with me. I said that I didn't want him going to bars unless he was with me, and he agreed, although I don't know how long that will last. I feel like I am putting restrictions on him and maybe it is not fair to him, nor to me, since I feel like I can't trust him anymore. He lost his job about a year ago and I work, so I guess he has too much time on his hands.
My feelings keep changing -- I am fine one minute, and then I feel so betrayed and don't want to feel like a fool for believing him in case something did ever happen. I keep picturing him in a bar, chatting up these women and exchaning phone numbers, and that is something I don't know if I can ever overcome. I told him that I have been approached before and never gave my number to anyone because I was in a committed relationship. He does now admit that what he did was wrong, but I am just torn. I can't control my feelings.
Do you suggest we not see each other for awhile, maybe only communicate by phone? I did see him this weekend at a restaurant and it was difficult mainly because I can't understand his actions. We have plans to attend a play together Thursday evening.