I sent another question not sure if it went through...please let me know if it didn't
my second question is about my oldest sister...she is ten years older than me....my sister, knowing this situation with my Mom seems to have decided that the best way to get herself out of having to deal with my Mom had tried to "dump" so to speak my Mom on me. Her demeanor has been one of hostility because she has accurately perceived that I didn't want to be the one to do it. One day she came at me in a rage because I told my Mom I was busy and so my Mom called her to get help. My sister has this irrational resentment towards me. It's like she doesn't care what kind of psychological/emotional harm my Mom would have had on me if I decided to live with her...all she cares is that the matter would have been taken away from her hands. She doesn't show concern for me or my well being and shows a strange demeanor towards me. It's like she's coldly manipulative and only thinks of herself. I recently discovered that she has put my Mom's house in her name and got my Mom to sign paperwork that she didn't know she was signing...it seems she is trying to make herself the sole inheritor of my Mom's house. All financial support is going to herself and her children and she shows no concern for me. When my Mom tried to talk about me out of concern my sister tried to dissuade her out of helping me. When I asked her for a ride some time ago her reply was "you can walk"...yet in front of others she will be "fake" and show this strange kindness which I don't know what to make of it...she reminds me of an "almost psychopath" because of these contradictory behaviors. When she saw a collage that a friend made me her response was "I could kill you" the pretty gift made her that angry. Yet on facebook she presents herself as a very normal loving person towards her grandchildren and others. My cousin who knows my situation and is observing all of this agrees that her behavior is cold (at least towards me)...when we were growing up I got to do some things that she didn't and maybe? this is part of what makes her so resentful.
She seems to coldly manipulate things without any concern for the effects it will have on others.
I have stayed away over the years and unfortunately have also run across the problem of others not understanding...because I got some support from friends it is hard to convince others of the real situation...some people think I am exaggerating or not seeing things correctly or that I could fix the problem if I just was "nice" or some ridiculous advice like that...what is strange is that if one observes the interaction between my sister and her daughter and grandchildren one gets the picture of such normalcy. I'm glad now that I distanced myself over the years. My middle sisters reaction does not help either...she told me...unbelievably...that the behavior with my Mom wasn't "that bad" and she writes off my oldest sisters demeanor as just that's the way she is and she is friends with my oldest sister. My middle sister has become the most like my Mom and she is the closest to her... my Mom managed to turn my middle sister against me... only now that my Mom has dementia and can no longer fully function mentally, she can no longer fully continue her past behavior and so my sister, not having someone repeatedly influencing her against me, is acting more normal towards me...in fact if my Mom had not created the problems she did as well as my oldest sister...I would never have had the problems with other family members believing their distortions and would have remained close to my nephews and nieces. Now, thank God, my nephews and nieces have had enough experience with the family that they see why I had the problems I did and they have all become friends with me again...because they saw there was no real substance to the remarks my Mom and my sisters were making.
Sorry to take up so much of your time but I was wondering in your years of practice have you heard similar stories to mine?
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX tears to my eyes...it helps me to know...I don't know enough about other peoples lives and so am quite ignorant in these matters...thank you for your feedback...I like hearing the opinion from experienced therapists like yourself