I'm afraid i have been self medicating, as no competent psychiatrists here. the depression is what gets me: severe, stops my daily activities, feel alone & stay indoors, while wife continues with her life, in fact spends most time at her work or social activities: she is quite busy. she does believe there's any prob in our life (financially ok, both successful professionals, 4 nice kids). when episodes occur (every few days) i send her a message about her close friend, or stop talking to her, then leave the house for a few days. then feel alone, guilty & come back. today she has taken the kids & went to her sister's. at the beginning of an episode, i reaaly do want to divorce her, then it's the opposite.