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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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ATTN: Kate follow up to my gf question: She came back yesterday

Customer Question

ATTN: Kate follow up to my gf question:
She came back yesterday and we met. She came to see my 45min. away despite being tired. Said she wanted to meet me, but also to get away from her family who was causing her stress.
Anyway, she met my son and we went to dinner...nice time, but she decided to go home as she was tired.
She said she spent time with a British couple that was married. I know for a fact her male friend on Facebook claims the lady to be her gf and not wife as my gf claims her to be. It's a lie and I asked her later about it and she said, "he's taken'' even though I know by his fb status that they are only boy and girlfriend.
Next she said she was glad to see me,but it hurts knowing also she said she came down to avoid her family.
Now, I feel I need to have a heart to heart talk with her tonight and finally get some answers as to where we both stand. I could use a little advice from you. Why did she lie about the British guy? She had to know darn well that they were boy friend girlfriend only. I hate being lied to...and it hurt when she in the same breath says she wanted to see me but also avoid the kaos at home. Any tip will help!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello,

It is possible that to your girlfriend, her friend and his girlfriend are basically married. While they are only boyfriend and girlfriend, in your girlfriend's mind they may seem very committed to each other and therefore her friend, the man, is off limits. Sometimes people will think of situations that way just because it makes it easier on them to see the situation clearly.

The other reason why she might have said they were married is because she didn't want you to feel threatened. She wanted you to be sure that she was not interested in her friend in any way so she told you they were married so you would not worry. While it is not ideal to be lied to (I agree with you there, that is not good in a relationship), she may not have meant anything malicious by it.

Other than those two reasons, there is not much reason to lie about the status of her friend. She could be trying to throw you off if she is interested in him, but why even bring him up then at all? Most people would just not say anything at all so they could hide their infidelity. So most likely she does not mean anything by what she said.

When you do talk with her tonight, try to be gentle and caring in how you talk with her. Unless there is some kind of conflict going in, this is only going to be a discussion about where your relationship stands. So the best way to approach it is to try to be thoughtful of her and open to her. Try to start by saying that you are glad you are together and have a chance to talk about how things are going. Then start with her. Ask her about how she feels and if there is anything she needs. Go from there. If she says anything that is upsetting, try to ask for clarification. That way, you can be sure of what she means before you address it. Hopefully, that approach will help her to open up with you.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
This resource may also help provide some guidelines for you:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201210/7-keys-long-term-relationship-success

Kate







Please do not forget to rate my service with an OK or higher. Thank you!

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much for the positive rating and bonus! It was very kind of you.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Kate status: We had dinner at her home I had over reacted. Bottom line: We are an item/exclusive with each other! !!

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
That is wonderful news! Thank you for letting me know. I am so glad it is working out for both of you.

Kate

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