Hello I believe I can help you with your concern today
What is on your mind that you would like to talk about?
I made an enormous mistake - and Im having trouble dealing with it
Okay, well why dont you tell me the whole story then
I drove my daughter to school yesterday morning, ran a quick errand - then came home.
I didn't use that SUV again all day
this morning, I go to the car and I see that my 5 year old corgi (dog) apparently slipped into the vehicle with my daughter yesterday morning - I had NO IDEA
he died a horrible death in a hot car
Oh wow I am so sorry for your loss
I never heard him - saw him - didn't notice he was missing...
I feel so bad.
I'm having trouble processing this - did it happen through my negligence? Can I not trust myself anymore?
How could this happen?
The poor guy - he just wanted to be with us (as always)
I feel like a BAD FATHER.
Can something this horrible truly be called a "mistake?"
I can't see letting myself off the hook on this one
I feel like picking a fight, just to get my ass kicked
I deserve it (I feel)
The shame - the horror... it still seems unreal to me
What you are describing is called guilt and self-blame
It was an accident and not negligence. Corgi are small dogs and you did not know that the dog was in the car
how do I go about dealing with this?
The guilt you are feeling a normal feeling when someone is going through grief
I've always been horrible with death/loss
how do I handle telling my friends what happened?
how could they not think less of me?
we did not tell my 5 year old daughter how it happened
Well you do not have to tell your friends the whole story at this moment, you can calmly say that your dog passed away and that you prefer not to talk about it yet.
I understand not telling your daughter, she is young and she does not need to hear about how your dog passed away
I feel like I want them to know - so that they can punish me (is that sick?)
but, I don't know how that would work in the long run
Are there steps for processing grief/loss
It is a normal feeling called self-blame and is associated with guilt
Yes there are steps to process it, but it does take time.
The first one is to accept the reality of the loss and that this happened as an accident
will I ever really feel not-guilty?
You can torture yourself and blame yourself because it was an accident
reality of the loss is happening slowly ....
You will not always feel guilty, but you most likely will still feel some sadness when thinking about the dog's passing
It will happen very slowly unfortunately
is this a wake-up call of some sort? an indicator that my life is simply to busy? too many balls in the air?
in a different mind-set, would I have noticed?
No I do not think so, this is an unfortunate accident that effected your family greatly.
Corgi are very small dogs, so unless you know that they are in there, it is hard to notice them
thank you for the kind words
I think what you are going through is something called hindsight bias, here is a worksheet for your future reference that describes this more thoroughly
Hindsight is often present after a traumatic experience like this
the clarity can be startling
so can the murkiness
I understand, it is not pleasant feeling what you are going through
ok - one more thing and I'll let you go...
Anything, I am here to help you. You can take as long as you need and ask as many questions as you like
what should I do with myself tonight? I can't see crying it out... but I don't want to be in public much either
feel guilty even watching TV
shouldn't be enjoying myself in any way
(plenty of crying has been done BTW)
I know this sounds trivial - but I'm paralysed but it
need to "put it away"
Right now you are in a state of grief where you do not want to experience enjoyable activities. This is natural because of what happened and that it happened very recently. If you do not feel the urge to go out, then do not. The first week or two is the hardest.
but it = by it
ouch - weeks huh?
Most individuals will overcome grief on their own and learn to cope with the loss, but it takes time
It is a process that gradually gets better, so you will not feel this way for weeks, you will start to feel better everyday
But to get to that point may take a week or two for the healing to begin, right now you have to give yourself the time to grieve
never been good at that
I know and this process may take longer for you. Also talking to a therapist in person may help with this process as well
thanks for the chat - nice to have a stranger to help me think
Or talking with your partner about it too can help vent out a lot of these feelings that you
I think I could use therapy for so many reasons - hate affording it though
this, however, was very reasonable - for a saturday
Actually most therapists work on a sliding scale and can provide lower income individuals with cheaper prices
not lower income - just stingy on spending on myself
Oh in that case then, you may not be eligible for a sliding scale. But if you are stingy, typically master's level therapists (one's without a doctorate) have cheaper fees
ok - it looks like I have some "feeling bad" to do - and some therapists to research eventually
thanks for doing what you do.
Okay, one more thing...
After you accept the loss and experience that pain of the loss, you are going to start accepting your life without your dog and at that time you are going to have to forgive yourself and realize that it was an accident.
It will be tough, but it is a crucial step in the process of grief
I really hope so - I don't know that I've ever felt this emotionally wrecked - funny how important our pets can be to us, isn't it?
Pets are very much apart of the family in every way
yeah, where would mankind be without dogs? He deserved a lot better.
ok - time to grieve. I'll try and get some traction tomorrow
Okay, good luck with everything. And if you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me at anytime
I might just do that - thanks again.
Anytime, I am always happy to help
I hope I provided you with excellent service today