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Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I can understand why this comment would be upsetting to you
May I ask, does your brother in law make any negative comments like this to other people?
Yes he does
Well then most likely he has low self-esteem, and this causes him to try to bring others down to make himself feel better.
No you mention that you are in no way considered ugly, do other people praise you on your attractiveness?
Yes they do
But he never used to be like this towards me.
Well that is a positive outward quality that you have and that other people notice, so he is trying to bring you down with a comment that goes towards appearance because this is considered one of your strengths
Well his low self-esteem may be a recent development for him, it can be caused by many things, even mild depression
Most likely if you give him some flattering compliments that boost his ego, he will not feel the need to bring other people down
But a long term solution would be therapy to help him regain his self-esteem
OK so next time we go out to dinner I should pay him a few compliments first?
Yeah that will probably boost his ego, make him feel good and then he will not see a need to bring you down with a negative comment
Ok and is there anything else I could do?
By the way thanks so much for your help, it really helps if a psychologist gives their insight into why painful experiences happen
Well you can have your husband defend you more or talk to him about his behavior and how that it hurt your feelings, that could put a stop to it too.
Anytime, I am always here to help.
Most likely he is not trying to be mean to you, he just has some negative emotions at this moment and to help lessen those feelings he sees a need to bring down others with negative comments, it is considered a maladaptive coping mechanism.
I wish he would learn to channel it elsewhere...lol
Well therapy can help that, and usually self-esteem issues are easily treatable with the appropriate therapy .
Thanks but I can't imagine him wanting to go to therapy but you never know...I will have a further chat to my husband about it ... thanks so much again, it always helps when a psychologist gives their amazing insight into why hurtful experiences happen.
I am glad that I was able to help you today
If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact me again at anytime
I hope I provided you with excellent service today
Yes thanks so much Doctor Z