Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
From your description, it sounds like you are caught in a very difficult situation. You are basically being bullied by your in laws and the one support you should have, your husband, is unable or unwilling to help. That leaves only you to cope with the situation and so it makes sense you are feeling as you are about what is going on. It is amazing that you have been able to cope with this behavior for so long.
You are correct that your husband should be supporting you and taking care of this situation. These are his parents and therefore, his responsibility. It may be that he has been bullied by them for so long he is fearful to go against them and try to stop them from acting this way, even as an adult. Many adult children still fall into the same patterns they had as a child with their parents because for them, the love of their parents is tied to accepting their abuse or bullying
behavior. The person feels that if they go against their parents, the parents will no longer love them.
While this may explain why your husband is not supporting you, it does not help you in the long run. Nor is it an excuse as to why he should continue to allow his parents to hurt you.
Talk to your husband about seeing a therapist together, or about him going on his own. He needs to get to the root of why he continues to allow his parents to act this way and hurt both of you. But if he will not go see a therapist, try going on your own. You deserve the support and guidance on how to handle this situation.
And even though it may not be easy, you may need to protect yourself from his parents and maybe even your husband from now on if you want to be free of his parents bullying you. One way to respond to them when they begin to take over is to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then walk away from them. By leaving, it tells them that you are not going to listen. This may make them upset and they may even try to band together against you. But hold firm. Most of the time, people who act like your in laws are not willing to do much more than they already are doing to you.
Also, talk to your husband before you see your in laws again about your new response to the situation. Let him know that while he may feel their behavior is ok, you do not so you are going to take action to protect yourself. He may not agree, but since he is unwilling to help you, you may have to do this on your own. Then follow through. If you choose not to see them or want to leave before they come over, do so. Do whatever you need to in order to minimize your contact. That way, they have little control over you.
You may also want to learn more about personality issues, which may be why your in laws are acting as they do. The more you know, the more tools you have to help yourself. Here are some resources to help you get started:
I hope this has helped you,
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