Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
When someone yells at another person, is usually indicates a learned behavior. Either the person was yelled at as a child or they were witness to a parent or caregiver handling their emotions through yelling. And because of that, they may not realize that they are yelling. They are so used to seeing the behavior and doing it themselves that it may seem very natural to them, just like you are used to not yelling when you handle an issue with the children.
Since you have told your husband that he is yelling and he refuses to acknowledge that it is an issue, you may need to take the approach that this is a learned behavior that has to be handled through re training. That may sound odd, but using behavior modification through your responses can help your husband realize that there are no rewards for yelling. And it can serve to help protect you when he does yell.
Try again to explain to your husband that yelling only makes you not want to listen to him. And using what you know about children from your experience and education, explain why it hurts children to hear a parent yell at them. Add
what your experience was like as a child and what you know about your mother's regrets about yelling. If, once he hears this information he is still reluctant to stop, then it may be time to react in different ways to his yelling.
Let him know that you do not want to deal with his yelling anymore. So once he begins to yell, you will leave the room. Even if it is in the middle of something. Tell him once he calms down, you will return. If he persists, consider leaving the house. Or going to another room and locking the door.
Also, try doing something else if he yells. Turn on a radio or TV. Talk to someone else. Call someone. If he is unable to get a reaction out of you when he yells and you pay less attention to him when he does, he may stop.
Tell your husband that yelling is a form of emotional abuse. It is upsetting to the person being yelled at and can be traumatizing. It also means the person yelling wants power over the people they are yelling at, which harms relationships. If he realizes that he can get his point across in other ways, he may stop.
Suggest your husband take anger management courses, either in person or on line. He may benefit if he is willing to see that handling his anger in this way is harmful.
Also, try therapy. It may be hard if your husband doesn't realize that he has a problem, but ask him to go anyway. But if he refuses, go on your own and/or with the children. The family needs to cope with what your husband is doing and the support will make a difference. Hopefully, he will eventually join you and be able to work this issue out.
I hope this has helped you,
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