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Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
It is very painful what you are going through right now.
As hard as this is right now, stepping back is what is most helpful for him...but clearly very painful for you.
sounds like a bad cliche but in this case it will be time that will help you heal.
you need to mourn the loss of the relationship and friendship and feel what you feel so you can begin to move forward
yes that complicates things even more since you cant get some time away to really heal.
each time you see him you are reminded of the loss.
As you let yourself truly mourn this it just may move into more of a feeling for you as colleagues and the pain will lessen
I may also write your feelings down in a letter to him letting him know you respect what he needs and you will miss the connection but want to move to a place where you can converse and feel free around one another
as you get stronger over time you will begin to get back to things you love and be able to focus on yourself rather than just him and his needs which is usually the case when in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder
Nothing about what you feel is wrong. I think you are both hurting and may need to have a quiet talk about what the best way for you both to proceed. it seems as he is hurting like you and only knows how to withdraw. I am happy he is in therapy. I do suggest then trying to set up a private time for a quiet dinner to talk and let each other know of your feelings and figure out what is the right space for both of you.
and if you both decide that being together is what you want then you make a comittment to not bolt when things get tough or hurtful.
open communication is key here.
I hear what you are saying...then it seems at this time that the break is necessary and just to give yourself time to move through all of the feelings that will come up for you.
are you able to let things be for a while?
I believe healing and moving on is in order for you and what will help is time.
you are gutted because of how you feel for him...that is normal. The pain does and will lessen in time.
unfortunately there is no quick relief when gutted and just putting one foot in front of the other each day gets you closer to feeling stronger
great question and a difficult one because you are human and you have your emotions....
they can't magically disappear as you would love them too. I do know that in time things will get easier and you will feel stronger
it appears that way but you have no idea the pain he is feeling inside and if he is in therapy and dealing with things then i know he is feeling it too.
would it help for you to have your own counselor locally?
If you like to read and can find strength from doing so here is a wonderful book about getting through a break up. http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439
I would focus on you and do the things you love and put yourself first for a while.
I am sorry to hear the waiting list is that long, but I am glad you are on the list.
yes because of your pain. find something to do and plan with them and remind yourself as often as you can that you are loved and have love.
there is a lot of focus on him and his needs and issues and you have gotten lost. find yourself again and you will heal.
yes so time for you now...dont add the burden of being upset with yourself...just do things to find yourself again.
You can do this!
ok so your gut knows...just allow your emotions to catch up. They WILL.
I think it could delay the inevitable and also cause financial harm for you. when you need to see him at work stay focused on the here and now and the patient.
if you dont need to work financially then a leave is fine.
that is a great idea. do things for yourself during that time and your kids and just feel and heal!
you may need to cry it out....its okay! but still pick yourself up and do things for yourself
these are all of the emotions that come up in a break up ...you need to feel them but work through them on your own.
you just have to force yourself to have the boundary around this
I think the break becomes cleaner if you get your things now...feel the pain and begin to move on. leaving your things there leaves things dangling.
because if you keep it in it festers and bleeds into other areas...so letting it out and moving through the grief allows you to get stronger rather than it nagging in the background.
I cant really know whey he struggles...only support you to get through this.
those are things his therapist will uncover with him.
I will need to wrap up in a minute or so. I am hoping that during our time together you are feeling supported.
I believe you have as well. trust your gut, allow yourself to feel and focus on you! That is my mantra for you.
please take a moment to offer a rating of our time together. I appreciate it very much.