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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5106
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I have a troublesome aunty whom is my late moms sister in

Resolved Question:

I have a troublesome aunty whom is my late mom's sister in law. It is just bec my adopted brother is a bit low IQ kids, she treats us like all of us are low IQ. She tries to influence all the villagers to treat us like foolish way. She even spread rumours ie my father death, my father is a theft, my brother is a drug addict, I am a teen pregnant, etc. All these are untrue fact. She raises her kids and most of them are uni graduated. I myself is ACCA qualified Accountant. We really cant stand her foolish way. We plan to sue her for defamation. But does it help, I guess she has Borderline personality. Am I right to say that ?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern about your aunt's behavior

DoctorZ :

I am sorry that your aunt's behavior is effecting you and your family in this way

Customer:

so what can we conclude for her behaviour

DoctorZ :

I actually do not think she has Borderline Personality Disorder, but I actually think she may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Antisocial traits

DoctorZ :

The reason I say the Antisocial traits is because of her persistent lying and spreading of rumors

Customer:

yes

DoctorZ :

Individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder typically feel they are better than others and treat them as "lesser people"

Customer:

she is not doing this to my family but to all her relatives

Customer:

how do we take her behaviour

Customer:

we do not live peacefully

Customer:

does she needs medication to control her condition

DoctorZ :

Well it is difficult because this type of personality disorder is usually very persistent and resistant to treatment, assuming she even wants treatment. Psychotherapy is the only type of treatment that has shown to help individuals with this disorder. So far there are no medications that are designed to help individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Customer:

but she has already caused trouble to our life

Customer:

for instance, recently my dad called home to neighbour and chit chat and the neighbour told him about his rumours about his death

Customer:

the next day, he fells down from his commode chair

Customer:

injured his hand

DoctorZ :

Well as for the rumors you can tell her that you do not appreciate them and that they are not true. Also you can let other people you know that your aunt has a tendency to lie and spread rumors.

Customer:

I also encounter similar trait of ppl in my workplace

DoctorZ :

Most likely she will not change her behavior because she does not view it as inappropriate, but if other people view her as a liar then they will not believe the rumors that she spreads

DoctorZ :

Narcissism is not an unusual trait, but when it becomes so prevalent than it is considered a personality disorder

Customer:

but ended up not happy ending

Customer:

my colleague has tried to fight for my Accountant position for 3 years

Customer:

but she is just a O level school leaver

Customer:

I am a Qualified Accountant

Customer:

but she believed she can do rumours to every department and influence every colleague to believe her nonsense

Customer:

so that everyone will treat me negatively

Customer:

at the end I will automatically resign

Customer:

she will get his Accountant position

Customer:

she claimed that she needs money to bring better life to her newly formed family

DoctorZ :

Well there she is being manipulative and spreading lies to get your job, that is more deliberate and may not be the result of a personality disorder

Customer:

luckily my colleague didnt believe her rumours

DoctorZ :

Yeah she seems like she was being more conniving in trying to get your job and using dirty tactics to get it.

Customer:

ya

DoctorZ :

With the defamation suit, I would get as many people that your aunt has told lies and spread rumors to corroborate your suit and claim.

Customer:

but I saw my ex colleague had the similar trait as my relative

DoctorZ :

I think you saw the Antisocial traits more so. Here is a link for Antisocial Personality Disorder

DoctorZ :

Lying, manipulating, and lack of empathy are some key traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder that your excolleague may have

DoctorZ :

And I think that you aunt may have traits of this disorder too

Customer:

ya, they are about the same

Customer:

ex colleague ended up with cash stolen cash in company

Customer:

coz she went to casino

DoctorZ :

Yeah committing crimes is also a classic trait of Antisocial Personality Disorder too

Customer:

she tries to apply these stolen cash amount to one of our old account and deduct from there

DoctorZ :

Well that does not sound good

Customer:

she thinks she is clever

DoctorZ :

Yeah a lot of people with Antisocial Personality Disorder think they are clever, but they are not

Customer:

sigh...........they become a block to us

DoctorZ :

I understand that. Individuals with this disorder can be quite a handful

Customer:

I myself also ever collapsed 13 years ago bec of family finances, office politic bec of old colleague whom we believe she has personality disorder

Customer:

i diagnosed as Schizophrenia

Customer:

but I recover now

Customer:

still on medication

Customer:

gain back employability

Customer:

plus heavy workload last time

DoctorZ :

Well I am glad that you recovered now and are doing better now

Customer:

can you teach me how to handle this type of antisocial personality disorder ppl

Customer:

they often bring us distress

DoctorZ :

For antisocial individuals, I would stay far away from them and never trust them. Most often they will only think about themselves, and do anything that benefits them, even hurt other people.

Customer:

oh

Customer:

for so far, in my 15 years of auditing and accounting working life

Customer:

those troublesome ppl are mostly I describe to you are having antisocial personality disorder

DoctorZ :

They are individuals usually that do not accept boundaries, they like to push the boundaries and rules do not matter to them

Customer:

first time I met this type of difficult colleague, i resigned from my precious job

Customer:

second time, my late mom asked me to stay coz family needs my financial support

Customer:

and I went to pray at Catholic church every weekend

Customer:

finally we discovered she gotten cash stolen case

Customer:

ended up with police case and we get rid of her

Customer:

she gets dismissed from work and gets warning from police

Customer:

but our relative one has been there for more than 20 years

Customer:

we never strike any conversation with my relative

DoctorZ :

Yeah individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder do not follow the rules of society very well, and feel they are above the rules. This is why I think staying away from them and not letting them influence your life is the best plan

Customer:

ok

DoctorZ :

You cannot control their behavior, but you can do your best to avoid it's influence

Customer:

it is good to have a mentor in work to guide us how to deal with people with different personality

Customer:

do you think we learn how to manage relationship with ppl do help in minimising the impact they bring when we meet those ppl in future

DoctorZ :

Usually only intense psychotherapy for the specific individual is the only treatment to help manage their behaviors.

Customer:

oh

Customer:

understand

Customer:

for myself .........i will enrol a certificate in counselling course

Customer:

for helping my problematic family ie my father has bad habits, my brother is a big spender

DoctorZ :

That may be an option for you, you can definitely learn more about the disorder from that course probably

Customer:

I think they are not a bad person but we need to better communicate with them to persuade them about their bahavior does bring financial distress to other family members

DoctorZ :

I agree, but it will take a lot of time to help them understand, so remember to be patient with them

Customer:

ok thanks

Customer:

we end here

DoctorZ :

Anytime, I am always happy to help

DoctorZ :

If you ever have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me anytime

Customer:

ok

Customer:

bye

DoctorZ :

Good luck and I wish you the best

Customer:

can we have a session again tomorrow ? Singapore time around 10.30am on 31.7.13, Wednesday.

Customer:

oh you are here

DoctorZ :

Yes I am here

DoctorZ :

But if you like we can make an appointment for tomorrow

Customer:

I am free now. thought you are not free now

Customer:

just a quick chat for 10 mins

DoctorZ :

No I am free, what would you like to talk about?

Customer:

talking about ppl with antisocial personality disorder........

Customer:

I started to see this type of ppl when I was 20

Customer:

a uni student

Customer:

my roomate from my hometown is like that

Customer:

upon finish my studies...........I see my family business collapsed, my brother diagnosed mental illness, my dad got tyroid, follow by my late mom accident and hospitalisation,

Customer:

so many family life events

DoctorZ :

I am sorry to hear that about your family

Customer:

bec of these ppl spreading bad rumours

Customer:

it ruins our family biz

Customer:

these ppl does exist as my ex roomate/ex classmate, my ex colleague, my relative,

Customer:

look like my life never can get rid of them

DoctorZ :

I am sorry, that is unusual to have so many people in your life exhibit these behaviors

Customer:

thats why I go overseas to work

Customer:

there was no opportunities in my own country

Customer:

hard to earn money yet got such ppl around

Customer:

life so difficult at that time

Customer:

I am now in Singapore is better

DoctorZ :

I am sorry that you had to move to another country because of those people, that is unfortunate, but it sounds you are doing better now

Customer:

ya

Customer:

i have a good accountancy degree, international recognise

Customer:

but i always cant conquer the thought that my family life events arise bec of such ppl

DoctorZ :

It might have contributed to it, but it probably was not 100 percent the cause

Customer:

ok

DoctorZ :

So what was your question about antisocial personality disorder?

Customer:

do you think this type of ppl bring social problem

DoctorZ :

Yes absolutely, they can definitely bring social problems

DoctorZ :

In fact around 70-80 percent of individuals with this disorder have committed crimes

Customer:

oh

Customer:

am I right to say that they spreading bad rumours and influence ppl to ill treat us

Customer:

is it what they want it be

DoctorZ :

Yes I would say that is extremely possible

Customer:

so they will feel happy and satisfied

DoctorZ :

I think they do it because they like to see other people suffer and to help themselves achieve some sort of gain

Customer:

ya

DoctorZ :

Yep, they only do things like tell rumors to help themselves

DoctorZ :

Basically these individuals are selfish and will only think about themselves

Customer:

ya

Customer:

often they see us very helpless

Customer:

they even bully us

DoctorZ :

That is very true

Customer:

life is already stressful with heavy workload, take care of family members, paying every bills

Customer:

still need to juggle these ppl

Customer:

and they bring bad luck

DoctorZ :

I am sorry, like I said try to isolate from these people and do not let them anywhere near your family. The closer they get, the more they will try to control you and spread rumors about you

Customer:

cant

Customer:

coz they are my relatives

Customer:

my late mom's sister in law and sister

Customer:

quite close relationship

Customer:

although not talking to each other

Customer:

but i do talk to my other relative

Customer:

so they would know about us

DoctorZ :

Well try your best to not reveal a lot of personal information so that they cannot spread rumors

Customer:

actually they have all sort of ways to do rumours

Customer:

very cunning

DoctorZ :

Does your family know that they are the ones spreading the rumors?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

we all aware of it

DoctorZ :

It is tough then because they are family and you cannot stop talking to your relatives, but you cannot stop them from spreading rumors because it is a part of their disorder

DoctorZ :

Only psychotherapy will help your relatives gain insight on their disorder

Customer:

well I would suggest to them

Customer:

but I dont think they are willing to go for psychotherapy

DoctorZ :

I doubt they would be willing to go to psychotherapy as well. The only other advice is to be mindful of what you tell them and try to limit your contact with them as much as possible

Customer:

ok

Customer:

thanks Doctor Z

Customer:

I will give you rating

DoctorZ :

Anytime, i am always happy to help

DoctorZ :

Good luck and I wish you and your family the best

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5106
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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