Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Hi, thank you for joining the chat
i'm going thru a terrible time right now. can it happen?
Yes, cross-dressing can lead to transsexualism whenever the person truly feels the need to express feelings and feels this other aspect of self being fulfilled by cross-dressing, and then feeling the need not to stop there but to become more than just a person changing cloths.
Some people who do cross-dressing feel comfortable and fine with it without having the need to get into transsexualism at all, but other people do feel it's just one phase leading to the other, and it is not about superficial choices but deep needs to become more her-himself.
I am sorry to know it's been this tough for you. Could you please tell me more about your experience?
i thinki have body dysmorphia. i can't stand how i look. i don't eat trying to loose weight ad musculature. i'm completely miserable and confused
and i'mgetting suicidal
Then this is a very overwhelming experience for you, and it does require direct professional support, because it is deeply impacting the way you feel, your mood, your mental health, relationships, functioning and life as a whole, its integrity and it is not wise to delay getting necessary support when feeling this way.
As you just said, this is not normal, but a disorder, you feeling this rejection to the way you look, restraining your diet and obsessing with becoming more muscular are all pointing at mental health disorders, which require intensive psychotherapeutic support. This is not something isolated and that would go away by itself, but a real disorder that uses to be chronic, but rehabilitation is possible as long as you get all the help you need from your support system (friends and family) and from professionals.
Please if you feel suicidal you should not wait but get your family help to get professional support as soon as possible, your life integrity and well-being must be number one priorities here.
Most times depression, anxiety and other disorders are also present when a person suffers of disorders around body-image, and what you describe here sounds truly overwhelming, since it also conflicts with your sexual identity-image-role.
oh it seem to have stated in early child hood. playing with the girls combing my sister's hair and wishing it was mine. playing with here toys with or w/o her. when i entered school i changed quickly. i b/c all boy. but the feelings persisted. when entered pubery it seemed to turn into a fetish. but it still wouldn't leave my mind. i would see birth control pills and want them. i didn't think it was possible but the fetish ended. the urge to transition b/c more great. i experamented with diderent sexual rolls trying to figure out who i am. i tried to dropit frommymind got married had a child. but i can't forget it. i feel like a woman. now i feel like i'm running out of time at 47 and it's an obcession now and i'm very depressed
am i just confused?
it seems cut and dry to me with the fetish. but i'm still not sure
Then it is not just about cross-dressing but about you feeling this way , spontaneously from early childhood, but repressing it because of how overwhelming it is to come to terms with these feelings taking into account, how many stereotypes, prejudices and discrimination societies impose.
but what about the fetish
What you describe shows you have been mostly denying, trying to repress and avoid your reality, the way you feel and long to be, and it is very graphic to see since you got married and become a parent as a way to escape from it, but it did not work.
It could have been a consequence of you repressing what you have felt so intensely for so many years.
i was looking over your answers. you said more musular. i'm trying to be as skinny and less muscular as possible. is it possible to get an hrt note from a history like this?
I am sorry for the confusion, I understood it that way because of the way you stated it "ad musculature", but now I see what you mean and it does make sense
and to the crux of the matter, does it sound like gender identity disorder?
or something else?
What you report does not show you got just obsessed with this after a specific life experience, but something you have spontaneously experienced from early childhood, and something you have been repressed because of what you learned about what is "correct and wrong" conflicting with your own experiences.
not enough info huh.i'm looking for general answers to my guestions. not absolutes in my case
does the fetish rule out gid?
If you find your body image disgusting and feel the need to change it but find no effective way to do it, if you obsess with it, avoid watching your own body or do the opposite, avoid social situations where exposing to people would challenge you, if you spent too much time trying to make changes, look for people's confirmation or reassurance about the way you look, and feel overwhelmed by it, then you could effectively suffer of body dysmorphic disorder, but not way to know unless you get a direct complete psychological assessment.
so bdd not gid?
But if we take into account that all these body image problem is related to your reluctance to feel-be-appear masculine, then we could say that perhaps it is about you denying your sexual identity-longings.
what should i do?
One disorder does not deny or is incompatible with the other, but everything you said about these body-image symptoms seem to be related to your conflicts around your sexual identity
Please look for a mental health professional to implement a complete psychological evaluation in order to identity which are the disorders and problems you present, and from there to work on developing a treatment plan that culd support you to rehabilitate from any disorder and to develop a healthy sense of self-worthiness, self-image and to reconcile with the sexual identity-role that best promotes your health, fulfillment and well-being.
but could being female do that?
is the fetish a no go?
Acknowledging your real sexual identity, working on embracing it and coping with the challenges involved, with adequate family and professional support, could allow you to create the health and well-being, meaning and fulfillment you need and deserve. If that happens to be your case, for sure it could be that dramatic, not easy at all, but worthy for sure.
There is no way to know for sure, since once a person represses feelings, emotions, urges this strongly and for this long, then any problem could develop from there, including fetishes.
i'm not asking would being female make me feel better, but knowing what little you know of me could it?
should i see a gender therapist
or just a therapist
Please do not delay looking for necessary and adequate professional mental health support to work on yourself, your rehabilitation process, and on any necessary change you need and would like to implement in yourself and life in order to have good psychoemotional health and fulfillment.
Look for a professional psychotherapist with expertise in gender-sexual identity and anxiety disorders, that would be the best professional to support you.
well ty. you did a good job. quess you can't get too specific on a web site. can't even tell me if a gender therapist would be more appropriate
For problems like this one, it is a multidisciplinary team of professionals who need to assess and provide necessary therapeutic support in order to lead to the best possible results. But you are the only one with the power to make this possible, please be %100 honest and open with professionals and with those who care and love you.
A gender therapist would be a god match as long as competent, ethical and with enough experience in these disorders.
You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Please take gentle care and consistent action to get the support you need from your loved ones and from good professionals.
( be a good match)...