Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming and painful reality you have been facing for the past 8 months.
What you describe here is truly serious and sad, it shows how much you care for your marriage and want this to work, but it also shows how dishonest, neglectful and abusive your husband has been for this long.
His behaviors do show he cares about his ego needs, his lover but not truly about you. he has been living like a single person life, having total freedom to come and go, and I am afraid this has just enable further abuse and neglect instead of helping. The initial plan of having 2 weeks to "end the affair with dignity" had anything but dignity, it shows how abusive and insensitive, manipulative and uncaring he could get. To make things worse, you finding out he was lying the whole time, and him using words of apology and asking for your forgiveness while stating he needs 6 months to live his dream with his lover, are just overwhelmingly shocking and painful realities, confirming he cares about anything but about you.
he has been having counceling and describes his relationship as an obsession, almost like a gambling addiction he says. He feels the only way he can get her out of his mind is by letting it go its course.
He is so eloquent with words and I melt every time. He says words are his best method of resolvement. I think I know what must be done , but I`m not sure I can stay away from him. I have spent 40 yrs building a life together with him. Our adult children are very angry with him and I am trying to get them to see that they must resolve things with him , if for nothing else than the sake of the grandchildren. I think I need therapy and more than anything a lawyer, but at the moment Im grieving too much to actualy function