Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
This behavior would show a person who is obsessed, once no matter how much she may have been rejected or not allowed further intimacy, she keeps attaching more and more to excessive expectations away from reality, which are obviously unhealthy.
I ended up quitting the job but it still bothers me that i wasn't able to deal with it and figure out how to prevent this from happening again.
Different mental health and personality issues could lead a person to develop obsessive behaviors, from traumatic experiences around neglect, abuse, abandonment, rejection, to codependent neediness, poor self-esteem and more.
Most people have self respect where if they feel rejected they want to distance themselves as far as possible. Why do these personalities have no self respect...it seems that they feel that if you are thinking about them even if u are disgusted that is a good thing?
I am sorry to know it got that far. As now you know from experience, you can control a situation to certain point, everything else depends on what the other person chooses to do about it, and when serious mental health - personality issues are present. many dysfunctional scenarios could arise.
Setting healthy boundaries and limits, and keeping them consistently is the best a person in your shoes could do in order to avoid further problems. They could truly feel and believe that it's better to afford your rejections, with all the feelings they come, rather than feeling totally abandoned and hopeless. they could create stories in their minds about your behavior justifying further attachment and obsession, which do not need to have a rational justification, they are fueled by fear and emotions-feelings.
I tried everything nothing worked she would always make sure her presence was felt and that she was never out of my head.
Most times they have had relationships where they were attached and depending on other people, from a parent, to a care taker, lover or partner, where they were supposed to be loved, supported and protected, but things did not happen that way, and they had no option or could not could with leaving, because they were too young, financially-materially dependent, or scared because of social - religious beliefs - values, stereotypes. Abusers could literally lead them to believe that they love them and that victimizing them is part of being loved.
No doubt she was very obsessed, and most times the very same pattern would show towards other people or circumstances. It is a disorder, that's why no matter how much you may try to understand i with good judgement, it is just distorted and gets stronger and perpetuated with time without adequate psychological treatment.
I took out my wallet and told her i would literally pay her to get out of my life i mean at some point you have to just let go. Even when i gave my two weeks the first week she acted like nothing bothered her because still still she thought with her non caring behavior she could manipulate me into staying..until the second week she realized i was serious...why couldn't she tell what she was doing to me psychologically if she liked me so much?
Perhaps because she was unable to perceive or to face reality the way you see it, she wolul feel overwhelmed or experience even further pain by coming to terms with reality.
The fact that even after your confrontation she keep disregarding what you said, shows how disturbed she was, and how these distortions undermine her judgement and even her common sense.
i came to the conclusion that she was delusional...there was a pattern she would feel rejected get depressed for a couple of days then she would snap back into her crazy self..It took me 6 months to realize what she was trying to do because at first i thought oh she is just bitter and making it obvious until i realized she thought this behaviour would get her somewhere
After that i realized it was time to go but it took me a while to find another job and all i could think about is will it end there or will she become a stalker it was absolute hell
Absolutely, these behavior were serious and happened long enough for you to perceive this person was not mentally healthy.
Right. Happily it seems you were able to move on and to end this obsessive nightmare you were living for so long.
This was not about you, but about her acting out her serious mental disorders.
It ended six months ago this happened in Michigan where i went to work for a year (10 months total) now i am back in nj.
what do you think those mental disorders are?
She could victimize anybody, who happens to be there and match her distorted expectations. Good for you it did not happen in NJ.
As you said, this is not only about depression and anxiety, which I think would have been there as you reported, but serious personality problems leading to delusional ideation, obsessions, self-neglect and abusive behavior. Psychotic disorders, or mood disorders developing psychotic symptoms could present these behaviors.
When these disroders develop from young age, which uses to eb the case, they becoem part of the individual's persoanlity, distorting it,makign the disordermore chronic and severe.
Before becoming perpetrators, people in her shoes are victimized by people close to them, many times involving severe neglect, abuse and trauma.
How could i have gotten her to stay away?
I never showed interest in her
I am afraid that taking into account everything you did, there was not much more for you to try, since her obsession were controlled by her own distortions, thus no matter how much you could try to make her understand it would not work, even keeping the rejection, she could just perpetuate it as long as possible, because in her mind it was what she needed and wanted.
My suggestion for people in your shoes who cannot leave because of different reasons is to come to terms with the fact that this is not about them but mental illness undermining these people's behaviors - functioning and relationship; to set and keep clear good boundaries and limits, and if it happens at their job place, to do everything necessary and reasonable to comply with employer's policies and regulations around harassment and inadequate behavior, for them to do anything necessary to protect and support you as an employee from it.
When i tried to file for harrassment right before i left i was given an appt with human resources 3 weeks later and was not taken seriously because i am a guy.. didn't even go to it because by that time i decided to give my 2 weeks notice..even if u google sexual harasment there is nothing online about guys
It's very frustrating but real, and employers are accountable, but many would not do a good job in this area unless employees push them to comply. People could sue people and companies because f neglect and discrimination, for enabling harassment.
ok thank you
You're very welcome. I am glad to know this nightmare ended for you. Thank you for your trust.
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