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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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Hi I have just ended a relationship - I am sure I have some

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Hi I have just ended a relationship - I am sure I have some kind of 'issue' I was so I. Love with this person then over night a few months ago it was like someone flicked a switch and I just turned off.. I went cold and become distant and wasn't 'feeling it' anymore despite wanting to still desperately wanting to be with this person! No matter how hard I fought these feelings it got stronger and stronger - some would say he was perfect he did nothing wrong... What is wrong with me? I did exactly the same thing to my past relationship?.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.

Ask Eleanor :

I am sorry to hear this. Please tell me your age and how long you had been in the relationship before feelings of wanting to end it started.

Customer: I am 30 I was in this relationship for only four months.. To give you a little more information I was married a few years ago my ex husband now had an affair whilst I was pregnant with our youngest child (I have three children 10' 6 and 2) he had an affair for 5 months while I was pregnant I found out when my baby was 9 wks old I left... Took a long time but go over it and got on with my life..
Customer: pick was in a relationship with what everybody thought was the perfect person but as I have done with this perfect person I was all I love and for the relationship then just switched off...
Customer: Sorry that's probably confusing
Ask Eleanor :

No, I am following you. I am so sorry that your husband betrayed you at such a precious time in your life.

Ask Eleanor :

So the other relationships you ended have been since you left your husband?

Customer: These things happen we were not happy :-(
Customer: Yes that correct
Customer: **thats
Ask Eleanor :

Oh, yes they do happen happy or not, true! Did you go to therapy after you left your husband?

Customer: We went to one session that was it
Ask Eleanor :

Do you believe you have really recovered from that hurt?

Customer: Yeah it took a long long time but I do honestly think I am over that now... I realise it has changed me in ways and it should have been felt with differently but the problem is now... I have just ended this relationship...lost my job...I care for my children on my own on the outside to everyone else I appear to be this successful happy person but I am recently unemployed and spiralling into debt and just not functioning... I have hurt this person and I am not sure I have made the right decision? I feel so very lost and confused - I am convinced their is some deep seeded issue that I have that is making me switch off to these beautiful people that keep trying to love me
Customer: **delt
Ask Eleanor :

I sounds like you are very depressed and that is understandable considering everything you are having to deal with right now. I am sorry you lost your job. I am wondering if deep down inside you are having difficulty trusting another man and rather than stay in a relationship long enough to risk getting hurt again, you end it. Does this make sense to you?

Customer: It makes total sense. However I am not at all depressed I am quite happy despite everything I can honestly say that.. I am just self destructing in relationships - I don't know if its trust, with this person I would honestly trust him with my life he is the most beautiful person I have ever meet so kind and sweet I know in my heart he would be the best partner anyone could ever ask for but physically it's as if my attractiveness (if that is a word haha) has just gone for him over night... It's so hard to explain in text I am quite in tune with myself mentally that's why I am finding all of this so very confusing...
Ask Eleanor :

Good that you are emotionally self aware about most things. Did you have any hesitancy before you married your husband; was there a time you became no longer physically attracted to him?

Customer: Yep! I didn't want to marry him at all... I knew it wouldn't work we were so young.. But we had a child so I did it because I thought we should.. We struggled...well I struggled through out the entire marriage I'd go through phases where I would want him and then weeks where I couldn't even stand looking at him.... It's no wonder he left the poor guy
Customer: Mind you in saying that know body knew that the marriage was ALL my idea I pushed for it!
Ask Eleanor :

So during these times when you lose your attraction, do you also lose your sex drive? Still there?

Customer: Yes totally....
Ask Eleanor :

So your sex drive just goes out the window?

Customer: I've always felt I had issues with sex
Customer: Totally
Ask Eleanor :

It almost sounds Bi-Polar. Do you have emotional ups and downs as well?

Customer: Funny you should say that my friend suggested that! Um yes I guess so I take Cymbalta for anxiety so I guess that helps but I have a very very very short fuse
Ask Eleanor :

So you anger easily?

Customer: Yes
Ask Eleanor :

Okay, let me find a link for you. I want you to take an online screening test for Bi-Polar Disorder. Just a moment.

Customer: Ok thank you
Ask Eleanor :

It won't take you long. Take the test and add up your score and then chat back.

Customer: Ok thank u
Customer: Hi there so I got 47 :-(
Customer: I always thought I had OCD TO BE HONEST
Ask Eleanor :

Well, it is highly likely that you have Bi-Polar Disorder. Now let me tell you what to do.

Customer: Ok
Ask Eleanor :

The good news is that Bi-PD is very effectively treated with proper medication. The bad news is that anti-depressants like Cymbalta make Bi-PD much worse. So you need to make an appt with a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and prescription(s). Mood stabilizers have been used to treat this disorder for many years and has been very effective. There are also some anti-psychotics that have been used in recent years for Bi-PD. The important thing is to find a good psychiatrist who can determine what is best for you. I would not stop the Cymbalta before seeing the dr as he will help you titrated off this medication; stopping it abruptly could make your feel dramatically worse. There is no cure for Bi-PD so you will have to stay on the prescribed medication or your symptoms will return.

Ask Eleanor :

Unfortunately many people with Bi-PD are misdiagnosed and place on anti-depressants.

Ask Eleanor :

The best news is that you should start to feel better immediately upon starting proper meds.

Customer: Ok I understand.. Yeah drs are forever trying to tell me I am depressed and I always have fought back and refuse that diagnosis. Thank Eleanor!
Ask Eleanor :

I would print out and take your online test to the psychiatrist.

Ask Eleanor :

You are very welcome.

Customer: Can I ask you do people with Bi-PD maintain healthy relationships?
Customer: I will thank you
Ask Eleanor :

Yes, absolutely, as long as they remain on the meds. I think of it as no different from having diabetes and having to take insulin. There is abundant information on the link I gave you about Bi-PD.

Customer: Ok you have made my day :-) once again thank you I feel a little like years of wondering what was wrong may have been answered :-) I am ever so great full xx
Ask Eleanor :

It has been my pleasure to help you. If I can be of assistance in the future, simply place "Ask Eleanor" at the beginning of your new question. I wish you every good thing, take care, Eleanor

Customer: Thank you
Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
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