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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I don't even know were to start. My wife and I have had problems for years, she says its because she really just hates me, when I ask her why she gives me a general answer of everything. But its not just me she hates its everyone who is or has ever been associated with me or is a friend of mine including my family members. She either thinks they all are against her or that we are all sneaking around behind her back and laughing and talking about her and that everything anyone says is a lie. She is also very manipulative in getting everyone to believe things happened that never happened or at least not the way she thinks they did. She is also very aggressive and violent but only against me, my family and friends or anyone she thinks is trying to conspire against her. I want you to understand the whole picture, she moved from California 14 years ago and my family didn't really accept her and with time it got worse so I distanced myself from my family with the exception of my father whom I work around but have no real relationship with because he and the rest of my family wouldn't treat my wife as part of the family. I know I haven't been the best husband but I truly don't understand the constant hate she has for everyone.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.
HI, I am really sorry for the long wait... I am trying to find the right professional to help you. Thanks for your continnued patience :-)

Camille - Moderator
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
Hello I believe I can help you with your concern. I am sorry that your wife is exhibiting this type of behavior, I can understand why you are concerned. You mentioned that you and your wife have had problems for years, but when exactly did you first begin to notice these symptoms that your wife believes everyone is trying to conspire against her? Also are there any other symptoms that you believe she exhibits that would be important to know about?

From the symptoms you described right now, I am leaning towards a diagnosis of Delusional Disorder Persecutory Type. This is a serious diagnosis because your wife believes other people are conspiring against her in some way, which leads her to not trust and not like others. One of the reasons she only gives you general and superficial answers is because of she is does not fully trust you, in fact she believes you are one of the conspirators, so she will not give you full detailed answers to your questions. The aggressive and violent reactions that you mentioned are a sign of escalation by her and are common with someone being diagnosed with persecutory delusions because as they believe that others are "out to get them," they have a strong self-preservation instinct to protect themselves, which is why they react aggressively and violently. In addition, many individuals are persuasive in trying to get other to believe their delusions, which is why you view her as manipulative. In fact she is not so much being manipulative because she actually believes what she is saying is based on facts (while manipulation is more devious in nature) and she is doing this to try to gain allies. Here is a link providing more details of this disorder for you.

http://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/delusional-disorder

We do not fully understand why Delusional Disorders present themselves, but we believe it is a part of the individual's genetics and response to certain social environments. Since your wife was not welcomed by your family 14 years when you both moved to California, she most likely felt that she was not well liked and that your family hated her. Because of her disorder, she begin to manifest false beliefs that your family was conspiring against her because of how they treated her, then those beliefs included you, and then they included friends you associated with. This delusion led your wife to further isolate herself and hate everyone else, which leads to an escalation of the disorder and the behavior that she exhibits.

Treatment for a delusional disorder usually requires intense Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the use of antipsychotic medication. There have been successes in treatment for delusional disorder, but it is difficult to determine the rate of success on average because some cases are very severe and other cases are mild. Also many individuals with a Delusional Disorder Persecutory Type will not trust the therapist because the individual believes they are a part of the group that is conspiring against them, so that makes success in therapy more difficult. I will say that an escalation of violence and aggression that you mentioned may warrant an involuntary hospitalization if your wife's symptoms become too severe that your safety is in jeopardy. Involuntary hospitalization is a serious step, but it will secure treatment for your wife if it comes to that.

I hope I provided you with enough information to answer your questions and concerns for your wife's behavior. If you have any other questions, concerns, or would like to discuss my response, please feel free to contact me at anytime and I will be sure to get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you and I hope I provided you with excellent service today.
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Doctor z.. I want to give you a little more insight to my previous question. I started noticing this behavior not long after we started dating and it seemed to be brought on by my ex-wife who called her and told her things that were not true, at the time me and my ex-wife were still married but going through a bitter divorce, and I excused her reaction because of this, my ex-wife continued to try and destroy my relationship with my wife and still does to this day, and with each lie that she would tell her trust in me diminished. Now I am not perfect with all the problems we were having I started telling lies to avoid confrontation and of course this destroyed even more trust so we separated several times sometimes for long periods of time with the threat of divorce constantly present and we both made several mistakes during those times including infidelity. Now we both forgave the other for all that we did and decided on a fresh start that was 8 yrs ago and as far as I know their has been nothing to cause our current problems or issues. She blames the way things are now on what I did in the past not what she has done but what I have done, she says we cant go out anywhere that she feels safe and secure and that she feel everyone is talking about her and that everyone knows that I was unfaithful to her and she feels ashamed. Now I said in my earlier question that she feels everyone is conspiring and talking behind her back but she doesn't feel that way about her friends and family I don't understand that part. I will say that I noticed this behavior in her way before any infidelities or lies or whatever happened, it has progressively gotten worse over the years at first I thought PMDD but I don't think so I feel it was more like paranoia. I just thought this may be important facts in determining the problem. I still don't understand the anger, hatred the violent behavior, the paranoia , and uncontrollable desire to hurt me, She tells me daily that she is the way she is because of me. Could it be?

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
Hello,

Well another strong possibility for a diagnosis is Paranoid Personality Disorder. Here is a link for you with more information.

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/paranoid-personality-disorder-symptoms/

Now I do not think that you are to blame for her behavior, but because she has a lack of insight on her mental health disorder, she needs something or someone to blame for her reactions, so she blames you. She truly believes that you and others are out to get her (and she rationalizes that in the past you lied to her), so that is why she says she is the way she is because of you. The reactions of violence to you are natural for her paranoid thoughts. Think about it, if you thought someone was conspiring against you and may be planning on hurting you, wouldn't you react with violence?

Either way, the treatment for Delusional Disorder or Paranoid Personality Disorder are very similar.
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Sorry I keep asking questions the more I think about everything and the more I read up on psychosis. Would or could cannabis cause paranoia or delusions? or can it enhance the illness? The reason I ask is on of the times we separated years ago, a doctor in California told her it would help with her sleeping problems and she has been using regularly since, I have never seen a change in her insomnia but she is convinced that she cannot get a good night sleep without it. Anytime I have ever used cannabis in my life it made me paranoid so I didn't like that so I done use it, even though it does help me sleep but doesn't help her.


I did see a study that said they were still trying to medically verify this but were certain it did cause psychosis just from using, makes since if cannabis makes people paranoid and hallucinate why wouldn't it intensify the psychosis or even cause it. Anyway no hurry on the answer, my wife left for California because she said she was afraid that her anger was so great that if she stayed she might do something harmful.....I tried to get her to stay and go to therapy or counseling with me but she cant think rationally..


 


 


 

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
No worries, that is what I am here for to answer questions. Paranoia can occur with marijuana use, but it is not that common. And typically only long term use of marijuana starting when the individual is a young adult is associated with creating any type of psychosis or delusional behavior, but that is also extremely rare.

Now some individuals with a mental health illness as severe as a psychotic disorder find that marijuana helps them cope with their psychotic symptoms and other individuals find that marijuana use makes it worse. So it is extremely possible that her marijuana use is making her paranoia more severe.

I hope this helps you and gives you a little more insight on her behavior. Let me know if you have any other questions
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Doctor Z...Since my last question my wife has gone back to California, we had a big talk before she left, both of us in tears not wanting her to leave, I told her a little about what you had said about possibilities for the cause of her actions she said she had to leave but would come back in a couple of weeks and go to therapy or something, well now she says she cannot get over all the anger she feels and that she wants a divorce, I know a lot of it is pressure from her family and friends because they believe I am the problem (Mainly because they only here what she tells them) I am trying my best to save my marriage because I do love her and I know that what she says and does she cannot control, and I also feel that if she continues to get worse then her next relationship will end the same way as ours and so forth and I do love her to much to see her go through life angry and miserable...Can you recommend any way to approach her that wont feel threatening to her...I really need her to get some help....

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
I am so sorry that your wife stated that she wanted a divorce from you, but you are right her behavior is being driven by paranoia and delusional thoughts. It would be difficult to get her treatment for this because she really does not trust anyone or feel that there is anything wrong with her, but she may get treatment if say a family member she trusts were to go with her. Psychological treatment is the only way to help her root cause of these behaviors.

The best way to approach your wife would be start off slow and talk on the phone or through email here and there and just ask her how she is and what is going on. Do not force the issue about coming back or not just yet. Then when you think that she is more comfortable with you, you can try asking if you can visit her and go out to when you are there, hopefully she will agree. At this point you may bring up the conversation of getting back together. Now if she still refuses to get treatment, then I feel this behavior of hers will continue to occur and continue to harm your relationship. I am afraid that if your wife never seeks treatment for her paranoia and delusions, divorce may have to be an option, but it should be the last option.

I hope this helps you and answers your question. Let me know if you have any other questions or concerns.

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