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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have a mental health question. I recently got married to

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I have a mental health question. I recently got married to a soldier. We are both in our 40's. We have moved 4 times in 15 months. I left my house, my job, my friends, and family to be with him. I also suffer from panic disorder with mild agoraphobia (diagnosed by a psychiatrist). I thought moving away and starting fresh would not only challenge me but free me. It has in some ways but now I am alone most of the day (did not have access to a car for the last 4 months unless husband at home) I am looking for employment but nothing in the area so far (we're rural and its a 30 orXXXXXto Savannah or Hinesville), I have yet to meet anyone so my days are spent alone. I gained 20 pounds in 8 months (on a diet now) and I just feel very alone and depressed as well as struggling to keep anxiety at bay. My step-dad died last year, my family broke apart as a result, my daughter (21) is busy with her life in New Orleans, so my old support system is torn to shreds. I struggle to keep busy, to do stuff but I am some days feel like I am losing the battle, getting resentful of my husband who's life is going great with his job and his work friends, I feel lost and very lonely. Tried church's so far no real community, looked for volunteer stuff - not much. I don't know what to do
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is very understandable that you feel as you do. You have given up a tremendous amount of yourself and your life in order to be with your husband. While he is moving with a purpose for another position, you are only moving to be with him. He stays in the same situation with his work and you lose everything. Along with the loss of your step father and the loss of support, it makes sense you are struggling.

Any type of loss is going to cause you to either feel depressed or grieve. And if you have little support where you are, then you are grieving alone. Being stuck at home and not being able to turn to your daughter or your husband only makes what you are going through even worse.

The first step in dealing with what you feel is to allow yourself to recognize that you are grieving. You are mourning the loss of your supports, step father, lack of communication with your daughter and your natural desire to fit in to where you live. Everyone wants to feel they belong and are surrounded by those who care about them. That is not something you have right now, so recognizing that is important.

Here is a resource to help you:

Second, you are trying to find ways to connect and for now, it is not working. Keep trying. But also go outside of your area to connect with others. Try planning a trip back to where you are from. See if you can take some time to visit your daughter. Try Skype or other ways to reach out to friends and other family. It is not the same, I know, but it can make your day brighter if you can talk to someone who cares.

Third, consider therapy. You mentioned a psychiatrist which is good, but sometimes just talking to someone who understands can offer a lot of support and give you an outlet. Try a regular therapist (Master's level or Ph.D) to talk to. They can help.

Four, try on line friendships. Forums for those with panic and anxiety, start a blog or a Facebook page or any other way you feel comfortable reaching out. It can be a way to connect with those you do feel comfortable with, especially since you are so isolated.

If possible, also try to talk with your husband about your situation. If it is in your budget, try to buy a car so you can get around, even if it is local. Getting out of your home will broaden your choices and that can often make a huge difference in your life.

I hope this has helped you,

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
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