Greetings !Welcome to the site.I am Dr. Kaushik and i believe i can help you with your problem.Well i agree with you when you say that at her age your daughter needs to be more independent and accountable for her demeanor and actions and live independently so that she comes around to realize her responsibilities as a young lady.But having said that i think by asking her to pack up her belongings under your surveillance is a bit too harsh on her and it may also be seen by her as an attempt on your part of belittling her and disrespecting her by not trusting her on this issue.Also i feel that a relationship with a child goes through many tests in time and this is one such test and i believe being a little more benevolent with her will not effect you materialistically but at the same time your kind and generous gesture can help salvage and rather redeem the lost faith and trust that she has developed in you and the relationship.After all every child no matter how old he/she may become needs a support by her parent every now and then and when no such support is obtained then they tend to become bitter and cold and i do not think that is what you want her to become.So i will request you to kindly introspect on this issue with a calm mind and try to be the bigger person by allowing her to take her belongings in your absence and try not to judge her preemptively, you may make all the assumptions after it is all done.I hope this helps you to see the bigger picture.Wish you all the best.Please kindly leave a Positive rating if you are satisfied with the answer.If there is any further assistance needed please feel free to ask using the reply button.Regards.
Whilst I get where your coming from doesn't it allow her to continually get her own way ? It isn;t just about the possibility of taking what isn't hers it is also about her dictating to and controlling us.
If she were in a rental they would have confiscated her belongings and sold them off. How does allowing her the freedom to have free access teach her anything ?
Ok , so if I am to look at it introspectively - how do I deal with the feelings of manipulation, betrayal at our loss (financial) and the fact that my daughter turned on me (with extended family) so easily and quickly and not feel like I am a doormat.
yes you are right - I guess because she has done this before and we took ages to get back to a good place, it hurts all the more. I want to lash out and hurt her too , so she feels something of what she is dishing out ,and tell her she can't keep doing this to people. But I know that God would not want it this way.
I know part of it is her lifestyle - and that we will not agree - or accept it but we love her. It is the attaining of the peace of mind I struggle with. I guess i will need Gods help on this one . In and of myself I am incapable.
I empathize with you and it is a shame that you have not got your due as a parent despite trying to do good things for your daughter as a concerned and doting mother.
However you should not loose your maternal instincts and dignity and just let time teach your daughter how her insensitivity and callous and irreverent behavior towards own mother and significant others reaps ill effects in her future. Sometimes it is best to leave things to destiny when they are not within your reach as is seen in this case with your daughter. So just find peace within self and try to stick to high morality and let time teach a thing or two in harmony and respect towards others to your daughter.
I hope this helps.
Wish you all the best.
Please kindly leave a Positive rating if you are satisfied with the answer.