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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid.” – Einstein
This sounds like a very difficult emotional challenge that you are wanting to take on.
Colleen,I believe this is a very difficult situation you find yourself in. I feel that you have several questions to pose to yourself.1) What would be your goal in confronting your mother? How would you feel if she chose to continue her relationship with your ex-stepfather despite your expressed concerns?2) Is your 4 year old ever present when your ex-stepfather is around?3) What would be your goal in confronting your ex-stepfather? Since you have chosen not to have ongoing contact with him and have made your feelings known to him, isn't it your mother who you have ongoing concerns with? Would you be willing to cut off contact with her if she chooses to have him as a part of her life?I understand these are VERY difficult questions to think about... and they are also VERY important. At this point you have to focus on you and your son and what relationships in your life feel safe and which ones pull you back into unsafe feelings...Sincerely,Dr. A