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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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when I was 24 I came out and really struggled with my sexuality

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when I was 24 I came out and really struggled with my sexuality as a gay male, I even attempted to end my life after trying to date a man who is back in my life. today I am 38 and although I am comfortable and confident with who I am...I am struggling with a friendship I developed shortly after coming out. I met a nice guy we dated for 8 months then my homosexual struggles did not allow me to continue the relationship. a few months ago we reconnected thanks to facebook after all these years. we have been hanging out, movies, shows, drinks, dinner... chemistry is there but I fear that he only wants to be friends. do I share my feelings of more than friends do I share how I attempted suicide after ending with him?

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.

Customer:

thank you for your time

Ask Eleanor :

My pleasure. This sounds like the makings of quite a love story to me, you know. Did he find you on FB, or did you find him?

Customer:

he found me, he friend requested me 3 times before I finally accepted and decided I could be an adult, lol

Ask Eleanor :

And have you seen him in person since connecting on FB?

Ask Eleanor :

Sorry, I see that answer in your question.

Ask Eleanor :

Tell me why you fear he only wants to be friends.

Customer:

yes, he asked to meet, I pushed for coffee at a local coffee shop between both our homes, he insisted on making me dinner

Customer:

I asked him initially what his expectation was why he wanted to meet? I told him I felt like he took my heart threw it in a martini shaker and now my feelings and emotions are foggy

Ask Eleanor :

Sorry, I a bit confused. Did he end the earlier relationship with you?

Customer:

he did because I was really struggling accepting myself as gay man and he felt I needed time to find myself

Customer:

he is 43 today and since dinner we have been spending at least one or two days a week togethe

Ask Eleanor :

So he wanted to take the relationship to the level of sexual intimacy before and your were not ready?

Customer:

exactly

Customer:

thank you

Ask Eleanor :

Okay, then go for it! If he was sexually attracted to then, he is now. Tell him how you feel. As far as telling him about your suicide attempt, I would tell him when you feel the time is right. If you are comfortable doing so now, then do so; if not, wait and the right time will come.

Customer:

Thank you Dr Eleanor

Customer:

im sure if he

Customer:

im sure if he doesn't feel the same

Ask Eleanor :

You are very welcome, my pleasure.

Customer:

same towards me he will b

Customer:

he will be honest and i can handle being friends with him.

Customer:

Thank you

Customer:

or

Customer:

T

Customer:

Thank you again, sorry not used to chattin

Customer:

g

Ask Eleanor :

Good, but I think he will tell you he feels the same.

Ask Eleanor :

You did great here in chat!

Customer:

have a great weekend Dr! and thank you again for your time. i didn't know who else to go to as i have no gay friends and i can only share so much with close friends and family without being judged.

Ask Eleanor :

Well, I am honored to have helped you. If I can be of help in the future, simply place "Ask Eleanor" at the beginning of your question and it will be directed to me. I wish you all the best with your relationship, take care, Eleanor

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