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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Im 48, have for five years been trying to move my Mother from

Customer Question

I'm 48, have for five years been trying to move my Mother from a small town called Bela Bela back to Pta where she resided for five years before moving to Bela Bela. Finally Mom decided to do so within a month and although I had gone to great lengths prior to that to find her a home, none were available. Neither my younger sister or I can have her stay, due to being divorced and no extra room. To cut a long story short, a friend of Mom's offered to put her up in PTA until we find a place for Mom, which seemed like a Godsend. Mom is there now and been there for a week, but the friend's flatmate is adamant and sending SMS's that Mom can no longer stay there. With all this drama, I'm depressed - I'm concerned for my Mother and want to take care of her, but feel I'm losing my life....nothing prepared me for this - how do I continue my life without this worry consuming me?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am so sorry for this situation which is taking its toll on you, but because you MUST resolve this, you will find a way, even if you have to struggle. You only have to deal with this for about 5 more weeks before her flat is available on 01.09.13

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That may mean moving her back and forth to your place and your sister's. Yes it will be a sacrifice, but it will not be long and you will have to do your best.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You might also find an inexpensive lodging or hotel or boarding house, or other friends or family that can help out.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your options are limited but you do have options and anything is preferable to having her out on the streets, which I am sure you will not allow.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If she gets any deposit money from selling her place in Bela Bela, this can help find her temporary lodging.

Customer:

Really, this is all something I know, just to be clear, hotels or other friends are not an option and short of Mom sharing my bed and living uncomfortably at my place (not her bed, can't bath/shower) , I work a nine hour day and no doubt once that Mom's place is sold no money worries, believe me there aren't money worries right now, my dilemma is how do I ensure Mom is comfortable, without being sucked up for good - I'm fast approacing my sell-by-date and yet I can't turn my back on her suffering. I've already missed my hair appointment and facial in June 2013 and this seems set to continue ...until when???? Maybe to clarify, Mom has oseo-arthritus, has not driven for 3 years and mobility now is a problem - yet she never, never drank alcohol or smoked.... I perceive this and don't ever want to encroach on my Sons' living or happiness, I don't understand why our Loving Lord would have my Mother live this way????

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I don't understand about your son. You never mentioned him. I don't understand why she can't shower or bath, or why she can't get a hotel? You seem to have impossible conditions.

Customer:

So only one answer per payment - in hindsight, makes sense - clearly whichever way I apprroach this, it's going to cost me dearly, despite all the love, effort and money I've already spent.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to see this through. Money is nothing compared to the well-being and safety of your mother. She needs all the help and attention that you can give her. She will have her own place in a short while. Our Loving Lord wants you to help your mom and honour her, as He teaches.

Customer:

Mom's mobility is hugely sacrificed due to her osteo arthritus and is not comfortable without assistance in public places (has anxiety attacks) and in the bathroom. I have two sons' who are great, the youngest still lives with me and the eldest married and I'm a proud grandmother finally after 3 years of a grand-daugher, which I should be celebrating and have, but on a lesser basis than I would as, I've been so busy helping my Mother. Yes I agree with your last comment, where right now, how do I honour this as I feel I should wothout losing my job (which I love) and is not only my livelihood, but support to all whom I love from time to time.. Just honestly, I feel so ovewhelmed by this and so, so sad, I' think I will eventually do this, but don't want to cry anymore - just really find this so hard. Already I have to clear the situation with my Mom's friend and her flatmate - don't understand why Mom's friend is OK with the arrangement, yet the flatmate isn't and has been sending nasty SMS's. to me - psychologically riding me. I guess knowing what I know, those SMS's are exactly what's affecting me right now. I've since blockled them, but still know I'm responsible for Mom, no-one else is going to be and again sadness, never was prepared for this in any way and ironic, it boils down to me "the black sheep" of the family..anyhow, I cna't turn my back, have support financially of the family, ha, just so ironic the emotional one of the family has to do the hands-on and experience it - for sure I'm going to cry often through this entire process and once again, promise myself, my kids will not experience this.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So after all is said and done, you are not the black sheep at all but child of light and love. If your children see your sadness and grief over this matter it is nothing to be ashamed of. It shows them, in fact, that it is necessary to act in the face of adversity. You honour God when you honour your mother, and will teach your children what filial duty means. This bread caste upon the waters will come back to you tenfold, and you shall reap great blessings for this.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Move forward and do what needs to be done. Make the sacrifices with the happy knowledge that you a are abiding by his will.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you great success and blessings. You are a good woman.

Customer:

Thank you for that reminder, I've always taught my sons' by example and yes this is His Will and so I shall abide- not for blessings, bur because I love and care for my Mother, and yes that will impact on all those I love - what greater gift than that, thank ou for clarity.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so welcome. I shall keep your entire family in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer:

Thank you!!! Prayers for you and yours as well from me!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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