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Due to recent personal problems, I am always feeling depressed, overwhelmed, RESTLESS, and unable to focus - unable to finish anything at hand.I am afraid I can lose my job, and already not doing a very good job as a mother. how can I help myself out of this misery
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know ho overwhelmed you have been feeling because of these personal problems.
It seems you are truly depressed, what shows how tough these circumstances have become.
Hi, thank you for replying
thanks for your super response.. ask me what you need to help me
You mentioned trying to get more sleep, psychiatric medication and exercise without significant improvement. Good sleep and exercise are very good and essential for integral health, but as long as the core issues remain unsolved and you feel unable to cope with them, you would continue to feel depressed. Could you please tell me more about these core issues leading you to feel this down?
emotional problems after a devastating divorce
I am sorry to know about your loss, which uses to be traumatic for most people in your shoes. How long ago did you divorce and what type of support you got to heal from it?
after which, i feel so unable to mingle in any sort of activities, social or personal, not interested to do anything at all and now i feel so old as well - I feel even if i want to practice a normal interesting life, my body doesnot have any energy to help me
it has been 2 years now, and it always feel as if its yesterday - I am a religious person, and I tried praying and meditation as sort of healing - but im sorry to say not helping though
The feelings of sadness, restlessness, attention problems, poor motivation, low energy, tendency to isolate, negative ideation and more,a re all symptoms of depression and grief, you seem to be deeply depressed and that's why you feel the way you do. You do not look for these symptoms but just happen to find yourself experiencing them
This was a real psycho-emotional trauma that deeply changed your life, specially because of your religious beliefs and values, and this is why just will power would not be enough. Exercise and sleep do help, but again, they are not enough for a person to rehabilitate from depression and such a life change like this.
The same way you need to look for a gynecologist for a female health problem, people need to look for a mental health professional to get necessary treatment - support for mental health disorders like depression, otherwise the conditions would tend to get worse, undermining your health and life quality even more.
Praying and meditation could be wonderful tools for healing, but only as long as they were implemented with an assertive and therapeutic approach.
Many times people do feel guilt or ashamed, sinful or abandoned because of life issues, longing for relief but still fueling unhealthy feelings and emotions not helping the grieving and rehabilitation processes, that's why individual and group psychotherapy, or group support are so necessary for you to work on yourself, for effective coping, healing and adjustment to this new phase of your life with all the challenges it presents.
hey Rafael, i ve been to 2 therapists who only seem to be sucking money, and who inever believed they were listening to me, and who just meet me as just another case, gave me antidepressents who never worked for me, and i stopped them, i only use Lexatonil when i need - also i ve been to a gynacologist, who has given me some hormonal supplements as it seems i am also suffering from pre menopause symptoms
A person in your shoes without necessary help from a healthy support system and psychotherapy, could easily get into chronic depression and develop other mental health disorders too.
what exactly the type of theraputic help that you would advise?
I am sorry to hear that, but I have to acknowledge that reality is that there are many more bad professionals in this filed than competent, ethical and assertive people, truly caring and able to support you the way you need and deserve. It's very frustrating to find yourself wasting money with people who take advantage of you instead of really helping you to heal.
I do not use to suggest people to use psychiatric drugs, that's the easy way for many bad professionals, and for those who do keep a traditional - convenient approach, or mostly base their science to the physical aspect pf mental health, disregarding the individual as a whole and complex human being.
One of the first things I tell my clients suffering of depression or any other mood disorder is to seriously consider ending the use of psychiatric drugs, because of their numbing effect, side effects, addictive potential and other issues, and to limit their use for real crisis. On the other hand psychotherapy with an integral approach, where you get support from exploring to venting and processing your emotions, to developing skills to better cope and adjust to challenges is essential. Behavioral therapies just focus on mechanistic external changes dismissing what you feel inside, while some traditional approaches do not take into account your need to make changes in the here and now. It is an integration of humanistic and behavioral-cognitive approaches, what could truly help a person in her rehabilitation process.
It's very convenient for a bad professional to have you medicated with powerful drugs while charging you for that. Numbing symptoms does nor equal healing nor rehabilitating, and they end numbing the whole you with the symptoms, which is a real disaster. Some people do not feel it that powerfully and get the symptom free benefit, willing to afford some side effects, but unwilling to make changes in themselves and lives to truly rehabilitate, and that is a huge distortion.
so would you advise me to search for a good rehabilitation center, where I check myself in perhaps for some time?
Please look for a professional integral psychotherapist with expertise in depression and mood disorders, ideally it could be a marriage and family therapist with an integral approach and enough experience to support you the way you need. If the professional you find does not listen to your core needs and expectations, actually helping you to work on making changes and feeling better, then look for a better one without wasting more time, if that professional is unable to make changes and improvements adjusting therapy and their interventions to you and your needs, instead of adjusting you to their ego and rigid treatment model.
so what you are saying, basically i need some outside help, and at the stage im innow, cant possibly help myself on my own?
If you feel this overwhelmed, the first option for anybody in similar circumstances would be to assess your possibilities to afford getting intensive psychotherapeutic support, whether inpatient or outpatient, without delaying things even more. Your health and well-being are number one priorities, without them no job, property, anything could remain and be fine nor enjoyable, then please set your rehabilitation process as the top priority right now. Individual and group psychotherapy are very important, and I'd say essential for good rehabilitation process.
You have tried better sleep habits, working out and even medication without improvement, and this has been there for 2 years already, then it seems obvious to me that you need extra sound professional psychotherapeutic support to get strongly into your rehabilitation process.
After you complete a rehabilitation program, please keep regular individual psychotherapy, join and stick to a support group, which would complement and empower the benefits from individual therapy. This plus help from your support system, would allow you to get the best results.
can you recommend a renowned centers in the middle east ?
Please, even when not feeling with the mood to socialize, "gently" and consistently push yourself not to isolate, but to be around people who happen to be healthy, supportive and caring as possible, engaging in activities that you may enjoy or used to enjoy in the past that could help you to rebuild your mood, motivation an sense of worthiness and well-being.
I am sorry but I do not have any specific referrals to centers in that location. The best approach os to take the time with support from a close friend or relative to contact several mental health clinics-centers, in order to get information on their programs, requirements, prices-insurance, therapies offered, approach and if possible to schedule a visit. Only after you do this at least with 3 - 5 centers, you would get a better idea of which is the one that seems to be a good fit for you.
i hear you, but its the chronic feeling of being so alone, even when I am with the dearest persons to my heart around, that really is so tough, and the guilt as well that I find myself so detached from my kids its an additional torture to my soul
Those who take the time to listen to you, your needs and expectations and could answer your questions, being empathic, compassionate and proactive, showing they have a clear treatment plan for depression - grief, including individual, family and group therapy, having an integral approach, not limited to behavioral therapies only nor push you to be on psychiatric drugs, and offer alternative-integral therapies, respecting your spiritual path, worldview and individuality, woudl eb the best matches.
im sorry to sound so desperate, but chatting with you now (which i greatly appreciate) is the biggest proof that i failed to find anyone around to connect to.
This is why you need psychotherapy to support you healing inside, making necessary changes in the way you see, think and feel about yourself, since destructive feelings could undermine anything positive a person tries to do, since we literally shape our lives from inside out.
thanks Rafael - you have shed great light from a professional perspective- are you going to send me a report or something summarizing this chat?
Be sure that your experience is shared by many people. This is one reason why professional online counseling has become very popular, because people feel frustrated and hopeless because of bad experiences with bad professionals, lack of local expertise and support.
This website offers support via answers to people's questions, it is not counseling nor therapy, but I strongly invite you t take action and get the professional psychotherapeutic support you need and deserve without further delay. The content of this chat session is public and will remain available. You just need to copy the link to access it in the future or access your account and will see it.
ok thanks for that - are there chat rooms on your website, where people can exchange their experiences and feelings?
Here at JustAsnwers, people come and post their questions and get concrete answers from experts.It is not confidential nor professional services. You could find many websites offering tools and interfaces for counseling and sharing with members about different topics, from depression to divorce. Just do a Google search for support groups for depression for example, or for online counseling.
oh ok, thanks again, its clear now
You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Please take gentle care and consistent action. Bye for now.
so to sumup - the symptoms i m suffering now are due to depression disorder
I do think so, caused-triggered by past marital issues, traumatic divorce and unresolved grief. Only a direct consultation-assessment with a professional would allow you to get an accurate diagnosis and treatment.
that needs immediate professional help ?
thanks Rafael, thanks very much for your help much appreciated
You're very welcome. Thanks.
Bye for now.