I think I am suffering from major depression. How can I overcome this?
I am a victim of sexual abuse during my childhood, and I am a survivor
of rape as an adult.
The rape ended in a trial and a conviction. I gave it my all to achieve this
result. The prosecution was extremely supportive but my family expressed
no interest which did
not surprise me considering what they allowed in my earlier years. I am not stymied by their rejection. It has empowered me. I know they are the ones who are wrong for defending a child molester in the family.
I am not burdened by the rape because I spoke up and protected myself
but the I am experiencing severe depression from two sources:
1. Intrusive flashes, memories which indicate the sexual abuse began earlier than the age of seven. Sometimes these images leave me disoriented, it feels as if those things are happening now. I can see myself, and hear myself, I can feel the fear as I see images in my mind of those things happening to me. This is normally followed by significant emotional pain and the inability to function, overall. I am confined to bed. I experience insomnia
. My entire self is disturbed. I feel anger, anxiety
, fear, loss, so much loss and deep sadness. I generally do not feel hungry or I will go in the opposite direction I will feel a need to eat even though I am full. I have learned to rely on fruit during these periods. I constantly search out ways to cope and overcome this period, but the emotional pain this time was so bad I could not function for three weeks. I slept. I could not cry. I could not take care of myself. 2. The second source for my distress comes from my abusive spouse. I have failed myself horribly here because he was a very kind person before our marriage. Once we were married, he slowly revealed himself as an enemy, someone set on breaking me down. I have long tried to understand why he would do this but even so I am the only one who can rescue myself so I
constantly try to lift myself up and out of this circumstance. My greatest challenge is the severe depression. It's excruciating. It feels as if it is killing me.
I keep telling myself don't give up fight for your life. I feel as if I am in a life and death battle. I feel as if the depression has gained so much strength from these images, it will take all my strength to overcome this. Is this major depression?