Hello I believe I can help you with you with your concern about your boyfriend
I understand that you have been dating him for a year, but has he always exhibited this behavior of being secretive about his job, talking about other woman, and "putting you last on the list" as you said, or is this a more recent behavior?
Also when you ask him about how you feel you are not as valued to him as you should be, how does he react? Does he talk to you about it or does he dismiss it?
I would like to say that he always stay more or less secretive and lately he just explained that
he don't like be questions about what he is doing, because he feels that I'm not trust him
Well you can explain to him how you are feeling to give him better understanding for what you are going through and that you do not ask questions because you do not trust him, it is to reassure your feelings and concerns
he explane that he need to focuse on the job more to susssise and make more money.
he is not trust, he think that I will use against him one day
Did you ask him what would happen with your relationship once he has made more money and success?
It sounds like he does not trust you, and that is difficult for a relationship to succeed without trust
yes, he will feel more open time and more relax
maybe next year he could make it, that he told me
yes , would can I do
I dont see any other men , and Im very unest
and strate forward
Have you asked if he would be willing to see a couple's therapist?
he like to see me only on the weekend, and maybe in the middle of the week
I can, but I don't think he may be open for this.
So may I ask why are you in the relationship?
I love him
but I always feel hurt
why he make so many bondarees?
he tell me :I have talk only this way, or other way ,if I ask him where are you?
why do you need to know? he say
its make very difficult to communicate
and he get upsed on me for my questions
he think I m a spy
but I just to like to talk like everybody do
what can I do doc.?
its very complicated
I think the boundaries are because he doesnt want to get hurt, so he does not allow someone to get to know the real him. He has a hard time trusting people, and he feels if he starts to trust you, you may hurt him in the future or as he said it "use it against him."
what should I do to make him trust me?
It is difficult to say because sometimes it takes time for people to open up and truly trust someone else in a relationship. But because he has been like this for a year, I am afraid it may not happen in the near future or ever. I am confident that individual therapy would help him greatly, but he does not appear motivated to do that
I will try to talk to him about it,he try to get aswere from different books he read,
do you think any chance ..
for him to be more than just a boy friend
and can i do something about it
I think there is a chance, but it has to be your boyfriend who changes his behavior and starts to trust you
Unfortunately you are doing everything right by being supportive of him and loving him, but he has to learn to trust you and to open up to you
how i can help
Well dont push him too much and respect his space. If he wants to keep his life more secretive you, just tell him that you are there for him and that you are always open to talk if he wants. But I do not think this will make you happy in the long run and most likely you will want more
yes i do
and i feel some times that I cant have deal with this anymore
I am not sure if he will get there the way you want because he has not progressed the relationship. He still has trust issues after a year, even though you have been very supportive is not a good sign for his commitment to you
What would happen if you ended the relationship?
I will feel a lot of pain
How would you feel being in this relationship now, but if your boyfriend never wanted more?
I don't no how he will behave
I feel hurt
you think it better for me to move on
And it makes sense that you feel hurt because you do care for him a lot.
I think you can bring it up with him and discuss the issue because you do not feel the relationship is moving forward
I think I care more than he
I think you care more for him too
I try to talk about it, and he get upset
and he do not like to talk about it
Then you may have to end the relationship. It will hurt for a little while, but you would be happier in the long run
and he told me that we on the different timing,I want relation and he need a buil a carrier,he is a constructor, and if I don't like I can move on
Wow that is very inconsiderate and mean of him to say
But I think you should probably leave the relationship to protect you
yes , latly he be came very mean
I am sorry he was mean to you
should I talk to him one more time
Yes you can talk to him and tell him that because the relationship is not moving forward and that you want more, but he does not. You are thinking about leaving him
do you think any chance that he would stop me
He might not stop you at that moment, but he may a few days later once he realizes that he really lost you. But remember you have let his behavior control how you feel, this is your way of taking control and trying to be happy
when shoul I do this
When you feel comfortable and ready. You can discuss it with friends or family to get their point of views too
thank you Doc.
Anytime, I am always happy to help
Is there anything else I can help you with?
why he always talk about other women
Maybe to get you jealous on purpose. It is possible that he is doing this to push you away, to reinforce his belief of not fully trusting you.
o my god
this is soud right
but he can get jealouse too
He has internal issues that he must work out for himself, this is why I recommended therapy
do you think he try to date other women at the same time
I think you right
he like to make intrigue
It doesnt sound like he would try to date other woman at the same time as you, but you know him better than I do
he told me no
and he get upset
Do you believe him?
he always upset if i think that talking with other single woman , make he think that you have interest in her, and he say that he don't care what she think, he told her that he have a girlfriend
Remember you cannot control his behavior, you can only control yours. You are in control of your own happiness
I try to believe more to myself ,its make more peace
I understand, that is a good idea to feel more at peace
you are the first doc. who I talk about this problem
I just feel that he make a gaims
but some times he ok
I understand, it is not an easy thing to talk about.
I think he does not take the relationship as seriously as you
so you think the best way its to end this relation?
I feel I get very possessive, what shoul I di about it
I think to protect your feelings and to give you more control over your own life, ending the relationship may be for the best. I think right now your feelings are very much connected to how he treats you
how can I help myself?
I do not think you are possessive to ask for the relationship to move forward
If you feel yourself getting possessive, take a step back and communicate that with your partner
Lack of communication is the number one thing that will hurt relationships
he always taet, and get angree if I start to talk about relationship, he try to put me down some how
he just I think try to avoid the responsobility
That is not a good way for a boyfriend to act in a relationship
Remember you are a valued person too and you deserve better
I think if man love a woman he may behave different right?
he tell me that he love me but only in the bed, but in action I dont see thet he can behave like
I think if he truly loved you, he would treat you better
Yes his actions would express love too, and not just in bed
a caring boyfriend, more like a lover with benefits
I agree, that may be an accurate term for your relatioship
I feel very sad
I am sorry
But this sadness will not last and you will meet someone else who treats you right and loves you all the time
anythink more I can do doc?
I think you have to tell him how you feel and why you want to break up with him.
It will be hard, but you are doing this for you and for you to be happy
ok thank you very much
I don't have any question at this time, of cause I do but for the next time.
do bed that I cant do any think
If you do have any questions in the future, you can ask to speak directly to me to make sure that I am the only one that answers
ok I will
Good luck and I hope I provided you with excellent service today
why he behave like this?
He may be subconsciously protecting himself from getting hurt by not allowing anyone to get close to him, so he pushes them away by behaving this way.
Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much