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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My daughter has 3 sons - no daughters, OKMH717211

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My daughter has 3 sons - no daughters, ages 11,7 & 5 yrs. They all have very long hair which makes them look like girls particularly, the eldest son who looks very much like her. My husband and I have approached the subjet of keeping the children's hair short, but it always end up with an argument. Fearful that the children particularly, the eldest who starts school in September could be subject of bullying as he resembles a girl. Not sure if my daughter is longing for a daughter why she is reluctant to have their hair cut.Have even tried advising that they could harber lice, but she just does not seem to be listenning. What would you suggest?

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It can be very difficult when you see a potential issue (or issues) with your grandchildren and there is little you can do about it. Ultimately, your daughter is in charge of how her sons' wear their hair. And unfortunately, she is not willing to listen to your advice.

Since you have already told her what you feel about this topic and she is either not listening or argues with you, then you may have to change how you approach her. If you decide to try again, this time approach her with support. Tell her that you understand she is the parent and has the ultimate say so in what happens. But if what you told her ends up happening, let her know that you will be there to help. For example, if your grandson does get bullied, offer your support through talking to him and helping him deal with it. Hopefully, your daughter will see the effects and change her son's hair, but if not, you can become a support and help your grandchildren so they can cope better with the situation. And in the end, your daughter may listen to your advice more often.

I hope this has helped you,
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for your advice. Would also like to add that her eldest child is a very bright child accademically and is due to start high school in September 2013. ADHD is suspected ( short concentration span - flick from one thing to the other and finds it very difficult to sit/concentrate on any tasks for long. Apprenly his father displays similar traits, but was never assessed at sch which he regrets. He believed this has happen his progress at sch and work. My daughter is in the process of asking her G.P to refer him to ed psychologist. Feels he may be a child with special educational needs in view of what she suspects. Plus the fact he is a bright child. Scored 4-5 in his recent SATS test. Starts high sch in September.

What would you advise?

It sounds like your daughter is doing all the right things to help address your grandson's issues. An assessment by an educational psychologist is a good start to see what exactly is going on.

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