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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi! I have a friend that live in another state she has OCD

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Hi! I have a friend that live in another state she has OCD when I went to visit her on a holiday weekend everything went well our kids had a great time together, we enjoyed are quailty time with each other. But when I got back home I can tell in her voice that something was wrong. she text me saying how hard it was not having me there. when I tried to call her she wouldn't answer the phone she always keep the volume on the phone turned down and let go to voice mail she text me saying don't reply wait for a letter. what can I do to be able to aleast have a talk with her or should I just wait for her to contact me. :(
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

If your friend has OCD and chronic pain, she may feel overwhelmed. When you are with her, she may feel her burden is less and she can share her concerns and issues with you. But when you are not there, she may manage by shutting everyone out, including you.

It is clear that you care very much about her. And you are trying to talk with her about her distressing message to you about how hard her life is without you there. But she is not responding. There could be many reasons for her to shut you out but most likely is that she might be upset that you are not there so this is her way of handling what she feels. Not knowing the extent of her OCD symptoms and her other issues, it is hard to tell for sure. But given her actions, being upset makes the most sense.

You have already tried many times to contact her and she has not responded except to shut you out. Because of that, you might want to try one more time. But this time, let her know that you are contacting her in order to try once again to talk with her. But if she chooses not to respond, you are going to leave the ball in her court and not contact her again. Then let her have some space. Give her at least a few weeks.

If you know any mutual friends or family, try to keep tabs on her through them. But otherwise allow her to contact you. It may be difficult to let this go, but there is no way to force her to respond to your attempts to be there for her. All you can do is be sure she knows you are there and let her decide what she wants from there. Considering that you help her so much when you are around, she most likely will contact you soon.

I hope this has helped you,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

thank you I will give her space and be patient. just to let you know it's been over a month. I will try to contact her brother to see if she ok cause she does take Oxycotin for her pain

You're welcome!

She just may need more time. If you contact her once more and let her know you will be letting her have space, that might encourage her to contact you soon. Otherwise, you can try to keep tabs on her through her brother and if possible, let him know of your concern.


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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I did what you mention I tried calling she won't answer, and I also talked to her brother. he said he don't know if she has OCD but the sound of his voice indicates that he knows and was told not to tell. plus he also said he can't even get in contact with her either so he told me to just forget about her. ( I don't understand that!) How long does it take for someone to come out of this depression cause I worry about she had told me once that she was thinking about ending it, because of her ongoing chronic pain from her back nerve damage all on her left side of her body and metal on her left rib cage plus she is taking OXYCONTIN every night before she goes to bed. she also struggling paying her rent and everthing else her disability check doesn't cover. I am traveling to my sisters this week and was thinking on passing by to see if she alright but I don't want to go where I feel I'm not wanted. what should I do??

Hello, it is good to hear from you.

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