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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6099
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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When my daughter just turned 2, my mother asked her who was

Resolved Question:

When my daughter just turned 2, my mother asked her who was mean to her, and she answered daddy with tears in her eyes. This seems weird, what do u think?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern from what your daughter said

DoctorZ :

Did she give any specifics on how her father was mean to her?

Customer:

No

DoctorZ :

Also from what you observe of the father, how is he usually? He is usually nice, irritable, etc..?

Customer:

Usually nice. Sometimes a little tempermental

DoctorZ :

Okay, did you ask the father why your daughter said he was mean?

Customer:

My sister said she hid or wiped her face after. She said that she was acting weird and aggressive by destroying her cousins puzzle

Customer:

I spoke to him about it. He didnt really respond

DoctorZ :

Alright, so what are your concerns about your daughter's behavior other than you think it may be weird? Are you thinking abuse possibly?

Customer:

Well, yes im trying to consider if that is a sign of abuse, along with at the time she would sometimes fight to get out of his arms when he would pick her up

DoctorZ :

Okay and I think that you are wise to take a precaution to see if it is abuse or not. Are there any unexplained, cuts, bruises, or abrasions on your daughter? Especially around her genital area

Customer:

No, not at all

Customer:

I just thought that it could be mistreatment

DoctorZ :

Has the behavior of your daughter fighting to get out of her father's arms or being aggressive with her cousin been occurring for awhile, like a pattern of behavior, or were they isolated incidents?

Customer:

On again off again, I would say

DoctorZ :

For how long would you say?

Customer:

About 6 months

DoctorZ :

Okay and how does your daughter react with you?

Customer:

Alwa

Customer:

Usually alwAys loving. The only time she fights in my arms is when she wants to go free in store etc, other than that she always lets me and loves me to pick her up.

Customer:

There have been times where she would hit me when I would correct her or threaten to spank her when shes bad

Customer:

Bi

Customer:

But for most part, she listens to me well, and is very loving, affectionate and peaceful

DoctorZ :

Your daughter sounds like a very good child. Alright, I can pretty much say that I do not suspect abuse or maltreatment, I am not saying it is not possible, but I do not see it right now. Your daughter is at an age when she is fully mobile and wants a lot of freedom and is at an age when you as the parent are putting restrictions on her for the first time. She most likely has not heard the word "no" so many times in her life and this causes her to have tantrums which she is doing. Some parents call this the "terrible twos"

Customer:

I just thought it weird how she would freak out in his arms when hed pick her up sometimes and fight and struggle to get out his arms at times, along with what happened there

DoctorZ :

Typically with abuse children they are more fearful then openly aggressive. The reason your daughter does not like getting picked up because she wants to move on her own without any help

Customer:

Yes, thats true. Thats why I wouldnt try to read that too much. Nearly everry child has terrible 2s

DoctorZ :

Exactly, they are just getting used to their legs and moving around. It is their first taste of freedom and independence want to explore that

Customer:

Well she would fight like she was in a panic and fearful to get out of his arms at times

Customer:

I was concerned w that at times, sometimes I wouldnt try to read much cuz her age, but then that thing when my ma questioned her

Customer:

And sometimes she would say daddy is scary. I didnt know what to think

DoctorZ :

It is possible that her father is more strict about setting limits for your daughter and this causes her to be scared. Maybe if he sets restrictions in a gentler tone, she will have a better response to it

DoctorZ :

Also if it was also abuse or mistreatment I would look for other maladaptive behaviors, but it seems like she is usually "normal" with you.

Customer:

Yeah, thats true. Cuz thats what I felt and saw at times. I told him he needs to be more gentle, shes only 2. and if its hard for him to discipline her gently, then to just let me do it.

DoctorZ :

Exactly, men can be a little bit more blunt with restrictions and this can come off as "scary" to your daughter. It is quite common actually

Customer:

Oh, ok. Also she had a bruise on inner

Customer:

Eyelid. When she was 5 months in which he wouldnt tell me until I left him in

Customer:

Which he said was a fall off bed. He said he was scared and felt ashamed that he left her on edge of bed and was scared of my mother and family going in a frantic frenzy over it, since they dont think much of him

Customer:

She didnt move much at time, and the doctor said most falls off bec bruises the cheek, not the eye, he thought it suspicious but not enough to assume or reprt

DoctorZ :

It is an odd place for a bruise, I would agree with the physician, but it is not uncommon. And this was over a year and a half ago, have you seen any pattern of injuries on her since then to suspect physical abuse?

Customer:

None

DoctorZ :

Then most likely she did fall off the bed and that is how the bruise happened

DoctorZ :

Also her father's behavior showed great concern for the child and also how others view him as a parent, that is usually an indication that abuse is not present

Customer:

Ok. Thanku. Yeah and when my ma questioned, I figured it was that he was too harsh and raising his voice, which isnt good, and ive talked seriously to him about it etc,

DoctorZ :

Most abusive parents show no concern at all

DoctorZ :

I think you are exactly right, he was just too harsh and needs to tone it down a little bit. I mean restrictions are good for a child at that age, but there is a nice way to do it

Customer:

U mean no love for child or cocern w childs behavior?

DoctorZ :

I mean that the parent would typically show no concern for a child overall. For their well being, behavior, achievements, problems, they just do not care what a child does or does not do.

Customer:

Exactly. Thanku very much. U were very helpful I appreciate it greatly

DoctorZ :

Anytime, I am always happy to help.

DoctorZ :

If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me anytime

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6099
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
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Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.