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Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
Paranoia is a real symptom that individuals have, especially individuals with a diagnos of Schizoaffective Disorder
But sometimes paranoia can be mistaken for another symptoms or situation, why don't you tell me exactly what you feeling and going through so that I can better help you
I am sorry that you experiencing this, I can understand how this must make you feel. So far I do not see a symptom of paranoia in what you are saying. Why do you think you have difficulty connecting with other people or putting obstacles in your way?
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I can understand the feeling like a "zombie" with the medication. The typical medication regimen for individuals with schizoaffective disorder can have that effect. So what kind of stamp on society would like to make if you had no obstacles in front of you?
What would you like to do that is creative? Art? Music? Acting?
Have you considered therapy to help with your social skills? Or even possibly group therapy? Group therapy can have a really good impact with individuals that have difficulties interacting socially because then you can interact with other individuals that similar symptoms as you in a safe environment. In addition you can also learn techniques on how to interact with other from the group therapist and learn from the other members of the group
Also since you have a passion for creativity, most communities have classes and groups designed to express your creativity in a positive environment like community theater, art classes and groups (or even art therapy), creative writing, sculpting, and many others that can fit your creative interests
In addition individual therapy can help with the self-guilt that you have and help you think more positively about your life. One such therapy is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that is really good in this area. It can help you think more positively about your life and can help you find your individuality and be more independent.
This link may help you. This is called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more positive and plausible). This will help you change you way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.
The reason I focus on the negative thoughts that you said you have been having (e.g. guilt) is because it is most likely a precursor to your difficulties interacting with others. If you change the negative thoughts to more positive, it will help your behavior and will help you to act more socially appropriate with others.
I see that you are offline right now, so if you have any questions, concerns, or need to discuss this some more, you are more than welcome to ask me anytime and I will respond promptly.