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Hello i believe I can help you regarding your situation and your concerns
You mention that this man that you love is gay, but it appears that is attracted to both men and women, could be bisexual (meaning that he is attracted to both genders equally)?
Also how old is this man?
In addition, I would like to know why you love him, like what qualities about him made you fall in love with, so I can get to know him better as an individual from your persepctive
i dont know whether he is bisexual
but he likes me as a very close friend for the past 5years and i loved him because he understands me very well
and knows me very well.i am very comfortable with him.he once told me like he loves me then after 4months he told he wants to be friend with me
then i was very upset and called him everyday and after 2months he again started talking with me but told he wants to be friend with me.but after that he told he wants to be successful in his career then only he will think about the marriage but even then hes not sure about marrying me.he says he dont want to assure me and he may marry anyother girl.so i was confused
he is 22years old
He does sound like a good guy and that is good that you feel comfortable with him. And I understand your confusion regarding him.
Many men his age are confused about their sexuality and they like to experiment to figure it out. Some figure out that they are a heterosexual, some figure out that they are a homosexual, and some figure out that they are a bisexual. It is possible that after he is done experimenting he will say "Okay I tried it, but I am pretty sure that I like only girls."
ya he's still in contact with his ex boyfriend
Regarding you though, he may not be sure about if you are just a friend or if he has stronger feelings for you. As you can imagine is he confused about many things and going through a lot reflecting
actually he tried sex many times with me but i was afraid of doing it.so i denied it
So he is definitely attracted to you, that is a positive sign.
after i denied sex with him,he told lets be friends
then after some days he told he need a boyfriend like me
Maybe then he just said that because he was hurt by being rejected, he may not mean that. He could have just said that as a way to protect himself
but everytime without any reason he leaves me without talking and after some months i will contact then he will again start talking nicely to me.why
Everytime after he tried to have sex with you and you say no he stops talking to you?
Then what happens usually before he stops talking to you for months?
sometimes after trying to have sex and sometimes without any reason
Oh okay, so sometimes it is random
My professional feeling is that he is confused about his sexuality and that he is exploring it. And he is confused about his feelings for you as well, someone who has known him best and has been supportive of him a lot
i never came to know the reason for leaving me.even i asked him many times but he says that he was busy like that and had some other problems like that.im not sure
I dont think he is telling the truth regarding being busy, I just think he is very confused and that makes him feel guilty and hurt, so he hides that from others including you by pushing you away
he was molested by his relative in younger age and came out of family at 19 then lived with a gay for 3years and still have contact with him
but he's happy and always smiling and enjoying his life even when we were not in contact in those months
he flirt with girls too
The molestation is another reason he may feel guilty or ashamed about his own sexuality too and that can lead to more confusion as well
He may be hiding the fact that he is hurting on the inside or that he has not come to terms with his own sexuality yet, which can explain the back and forth that he does sometimes
but sometimes tells me that i should marry someone but should be his friend
i will tell him that i cant continue to be his friend after marriage then he will tell me to be single and live as his friend
It sounds like he really does not want to lose you
i want to know an answer.even after he knows that i am only his emotional support and he values my love very much,he even knows that i accepted his past gay life and i know everything about him.
he told he will marry someone after 4 years
but not assuring me thats me.why? will he marry someother person?
Putting a timeline on when to meet someone and get married is not usually realistic because a lot can happen in between those times.
because he have many girl friends and flirt with them
He is not reassuring you because I do not think he knows, he may want to marry you, marry another girl, or possibly marry a man.
Or he may eventually decide that he does not want to get married either
do he really love me? or thinks just im his close friend
even when he undergone a surgery he called me only to help him.nobody else.why?
but he wont call me everyday and text everyday
what i really want to do?
i need him
You can love close friends, and I am sure he is physically attracted to you.
I do not think he loves you the same way as you love him though
I do not think he loves you unconditionally
he sometimes tells me about the happiest momemts we were
he do not love me unconditionally means?
Loving someone unconditionally is how you love him, it means loving someone as they are, you are not trying to change that person. And no matter what that person does you will always love them
he sometimes stares at my boobs and will touch it and when he's with me,he got erect too but he wil havesex with guys too.so im very confused about him
I think he loves you, but it changes from friendship love to relationship love, as goes back and forth between the two.
ya he wants me to be slim and fair
I think he is bisexual and is attracted to men and women, so he will get erect with both genders
and i too go for gym and i will be in diet too
True love is accepting the person as they are, you do not want to change them
then he wants to change me is not true love?
he is not loving me truly? or whether he thinks that im only person after ex can understand him very well.so he dont want to lose me?
Yes wanting to change someone is not true love, its like saying this "I would love you if you were slimmer and more fair." That is not true love
if i leave him.what he will do?
I think you are a good friend and a good support structure for him, which is why he wants you near him, but at this time I do not think he loves you
I think he will be hurt for awhile, but I suspect he will continue his regular behavior of dating guys and girls.
no he never told like that.he told that when he introduces me to his friend he wants everybody to say him that he's lucky to have me
now he stopped dating guys and fully concentrating on his career
Okay, but is he dating girls?
but visit his ex atleast wekly once and that guy will talk to him thro phone
yes he's dating with girls
but telling me that he's not serious with those girls
Does he have sex with his ex when he visits?
no.he always have a problem that he cant have sex with his loved ones
Interesting it sounds like he is not ready for a serious relationship
he will have sex with strangers but not with his loved ones.thats the problem why he came out of his past relationship
but that guy really loves him very much so he has a touch with him still
Yeah he can do causal sex with no emotional connections, this is a sign that he is not ready for a real relationship at this time.
But with the guy that is not a real relationship, that is more physical
he told me once that if he had sex with a person then he dont want to see them again
Because he does not want them to get attached. Right now he is only interested in the physical aspects of sex, not the emotional connection
It is a little selfish to be honest, but quite common with men his age
he told he's more comfortable with me, he trust me so much,and im wonderful person and told that no one can take care of him like me in this world
after saying all these things if i say i love him and i dont expect anything from him, he tells he likes me very much but dont have an idea of marrying me right now,so asked me some time
what should i do?
I think if you can continue being his friend, then continue being his friend. But I think that you should start exploring dating other men because this guy may never be ready for a serious relationship with you or he may end of being only attracted to males at one point
I think you need to think about yourself and your own happiness.
he's very normal with me but flirting other girls.why
he never think of marrying me,then why he asked time to think of marrying me?
what should i do to have feelings towards me?
what should i do to make him to feel for me? he values my love very much but why he's not accepting it?
There are a couple options for his behavior. He values your friendship and says those things at times because he sometimes feels them, but knows he is not ready for a serious relationship right now, so he says that to keep you close for when he is ready. Or he could say those things to keep you as a friend, but only when he wants something from you.
will he be happy without me? will he marry anyother girl?
You cannot make him love you, he has to come to that conclusion on his own. You can wait for him to figure his sexuality out and it is possible he will come to you and then it is possible he wont, only time will tell on that
I think you have to think that you will be happy without him because you will meet someone who will treat you amazingly and someone that will love you as much as you love him
He may marry another girl or even may be with another guy, but that in no way compares to you. You are a special person and I doubt anyone he meets will compare to you
once i took a decision to marry someone and he told its okay but wants to continue his relationship too.that makes me confused very much.if i leave him,will he stop contacting me?
if i stop contacting him,will he too stop?
did he really feel if i marry someother?
If you say that you only want to be friends with him, then he may stop contacting you for a little while but I think he will contact you again as he has done in the past
I think he want you to be happy in a way and if marrying someone else makes you happy, he wants that for you
will he feel
if i leave him or marry someone?
Yes I think he will be saddened by losing you, but if you stay friends it wont be as bad for both of you
suppose if we get married then how my life will be with him?
will he be a good partner because he himself told many times that if he marries me he will be happy but he dont know that i will be happy
It can be really good or it can have its problems. There is no way to predict the future, but there is a possibility that if you marry him he might figure out that he is attracted to males more than females and this lead him to feel depressed, guilty, and frustrated.
why he thinks like that?
He said that because you may always be worried that he can leave you for someone else given his past behavior and that will not make you happy
Also infidelity may be an option he takes if he thinks that he is more attracted to males then females.
even now im very much worried about that whether he leaves me for someother.i really want to know why he has an atitude of leaving me
I think right now he does not want a relationship, but he only wants casual sex, so that is why he thinks that now
when he want ssome support or help he needs me and if hes happy he dont need me.why this type of atitude?
Unfortunately that is because he is acting a little selfish and only wants you for something he needs. You are almost like a back up plan for him when it doesnt work out and needs something. I think you are more important than to be considered second best, XXXXX XXXXX why I gave the advice to possibly date other guys that will treat you better
my friends are telling that he uses me.is it true? but i really feel his feelings.even he's the person who hurt me more but im still with him.everyone asking me why im with hi like that. but i dont have an answer why i like him this much and why i am still with him
I think he is using you based on what you have told me. He is only there when he needs something, but he is not there when you need something
why he's not considering me as first option even after he knows how much i calue him?
Because he does not value you the same way that you value him
is he valueing me ?
so what he thinks about me and what he wants from me?
Maybe to an extent he values you, but not nearly as much as he should
I think he wants the support you give him and possibly the sexual aspect to as he has tried to have sex with you and touches your breasts
why he's like that? why not giving me priority?
i am always there to support him but even then why he's not giving me the priority? then for what he will give the priority
Most likely because he does not care about you the way that you care about him. He is only thinking about himself
so what he finally needs from my relationship? only support thats all right?
Yes I think support and possibly sex are his reasons at this point
if he never find a girl or boy whom he likes,he will marry me orelse he will say lets be friends right?
They may change in the future, but right now he is not treating you like a good friend
Yes I think so, but I dont think you deserve to be second best, XXXXX XXXXX be with a guy who thinks you are the first choice
so how he's treating me? juz to use?
Yes he is using you, I think he only values your friendship on what he can get out of it.
is there any chance for him to realize my value in future?
There is a possibility, but he has to figure that out on his own. But it will not happen in the near future.
why it will not happen in near future?
Because his behavior right now does not indicate that he will change soon.
after im getting married to someone then he realize me means will he come again into my life? will he trouble me?
He might cause some issues, but by then I suspect you will have found a better guy who loves you the way you love him
is there anything from my side to do to change him?
Unfortunately you cannot change someone to make them value you or love them more. He has to figure that for himself
ya thats true.as of now how i should be with him?
because nowadays he again talks in romantic way sometimes and in friendly way sometimes
Say that you only want to be his friend, so he cant say anything about marrying you one day or trying to have sex with you
He is saying those things to lead you on to still be near him and not go find another guy and forget about him
he confusing me a lot.i cant capture his mind.one day talks like a boyfrnd and oneday talks like a frnd
This is part of the using that he does
I understand your confusion, which is why you have to take control and say lets only be friends, nothing more and nothing less and see where that goes
if i tell like that means what will happen?
He may do the not talking to you thing for awhile, but he will come back any reestablish communication
is he doing intentionally or without his control hes talking like that?
Probably both intentionally and without his control
actually i took the decision of being friends and stopped calling myself and texting myself
for the past one month he himself calling me and texting me
i am juz replying to it
it goes well
should i be like this?
That is a good start. Yeah being friends is okay
will he feel that im changed?
He might feel that you have changed because you are starting to take control
so he came to know that i may leave him oneday right?
and my last question is why i loved him even after knowing hes gay
why i still continue this relationship?
You continue the relationship because you love him, but he does not love you the same way and he does use you. This is why you should end that type of relationship and be strictly friends.
hmmm but after some years if he tells me that he wants to marry me.what should i do?
I think that it a decision you will have to make in some years. But you may already have met another guy that you love and you may not love this guy anymore
i never change myself because many approached me but i am not willing even to speak with them.hes totally in my mind.so he even knows well that i never change that easily from him.so only asking you, if he comes and says lets marry, will he it from his heart or juz a back up plan execution?
Right now if he says will you marry me, I think it is just a back up plan for him. Now in a few years he may have changed about his feelings for you and it could be from his heart
if he comes truly i will accept him but i want to know whether he come truly or juzz no other option
how to know it from him?
That is something you will have to talk to him about and trust your own instinct on, you know him better than most people
Right now though I think you are a backup plan to him
But in the future anything is possible and his feelings can be from the heart
but i always fear that even after marrying he may leave me.that feeling makes worse
Then maybe your feelings are telling you not marry this man and to move on
my one side tells me to leave another side wants him and telling me to wait
and hes also confusing me as of now
so only i cant take a decision
I think you should be friends with him, but explore dating other men
but whenever i call him he tells he s annoyed so i stopped calling him and told that dire ctly to him too
Sometimes the confusion of not being able to make a decision is your answer too
Sometimes the confusion of not being able to make a decision is your answer too-means? im always available to him but he wont.so i think i want to be friend with him only.that will be good to my life right.
The confusion of not being able to make a decision is your own mind telling you to move on from this guy because he will not make you happy.
I think being friends is a good thing and a positive thing too
hmmm thank u soo much
Anytime, I am always happy to help
i asked him that i want to decide about my life.so i told him to answer whether he have an idea to marry me or not. then he told he likes me very much but... like that then i asked him to tell yes or no like that but he didnt answer for my question and cut my call. what should i do now? should i wait him to call or shall i call myself?
today he himself called me but talked very casually. i too cant ask again abt his decision because hes very casual.how to lead this relationship? what he really thinks me?
why he didnt wants to talk about that matter and why he talks casually? he can stop calling me right? why he calls me but not talking about that?
he already told like he wants to marry a girl who is fair like that.he was strong in his decision that he's going to marry after 4years and telling about how his life will be after 4years but when i ask about relationship with him, he tells like he likes me very much but never get that feel of love and telling me that he needs to marry a hindu girl as he likes hindu like that.is he really decided about that? if he can decide all those decisions clearly then why not saying anything about my relationship? if i ask him before also he asks me again that if he yes to me means what i will do or if he says no means what i will do like that. whatever question i ask he asks me another question. already i have for him for 5years, so i really want to take a decision now. im really confused.i thought he wont call me hereafterwards like that but he called today but didnt give answer but talked something casual and i dont know how to proceed this further. he knows me very well that i have waited for for 5 years and i never change from my point,so he cant think that i can change my view.even then hes doing like this thats my problem!
today i talked to him very seriously and he told he didnt decide anything about this marriage right now and hes again telling he needs some time to think and asked me to marry someone.i told no then he told im important in his life and he wants me to be happy.his only intention is he and me both wants to be heppy like that. then he told he completely stopped going out with gays and he is converting into fully straight person like that. i then told k take your own time,till that lets be friends and i never talk about this topic agian and lets be happy as far as present is considered like that.then he told sure lets be happy and if u are happy i will be happy like that.i askedif im happy only u will be happy like that.then he told yes i need your happiness and want to see you happy like that. what im talked is right? because i dont know what to do.
thank u soo much