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Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am sorry that you father's family is treating your mother this way, I can imagine how stressful this must be on her
I agree with you that you are doing the right thing by telling you mother to not let them upset her because then they would have gotten what they wanted by being mean to her
I understand that you have talked to your mother about this, but have you tried talking to your father and telling him that his sisters are making your mother feel bad and depressed?
he wouldnt care
That is disappointing because it sounds like your mom feels compelled to spend time with his family even though it is not good for her mental health
In these situations I agree with what you wrote by saying not to socialize with them, but from what you are telling me it is almost you mom has no choice but to socialize with them
Yes. She doesn't have other friends and there isnt anyone that she completely trusts and can talk to. If they invite her to events and she doesn't go they will talk about her. Its not just my mum, everyone else too
Yeah it sounds like your father's sisters have self-esteem issues where they have to bring down everybody to make them feel better
You know what, they are always in other peoples businesses! It's making me go crazy too. Im not allowed to date people that are not my own nationality because my mum is afraid of what my dad would do and also afraid of what his sisters would say
One aspect your mother must be told and reinforced in her is that they are not in control of her feelings and her emotions, she is. If she can understand that then she will be able to take control and not allow them to control her
So I have to spend my life sneaking around and hiding, lying etc
Wow I am so sorry that must be very stressful for you and not fair either because you are an individual that can make their own choices in life
What if you stood up and took control of your life by dating who you wanted and not hiding it, you never know you may just be an inspiration to your mother for doing that
I said I will date whoever i want and i do but lying about it. my mum would be happy for me to be with whoever i wanted to be with but she is afraid of what my dad will do
he will get really angry and its never good.. he starts fights, gets physically agressive
his sisters get involved
That is never good to react that way, it is not healthy and will not help the family as a whole
I am glad that your mom would be happy for you though
my dad doesnt really care much about the family. He is never really home and at work. when home he sits on the couch drinking and ordering people around. he gets very jealous of everything.. e.g. if there is only one chocolate bar left, he will eat it just so noone else can even if he isnt hungry.. kind of a bad example but yeah
the best thing would be for my mum to divorce him and move away from all the terrible people
That is very sad that he was not a good father for you or a good husband for your mother
yes its sad. but what to do??
I agree I think divorce would be a more healthy option because it does not appear that your father would change his behavior or even seek help to change his behavior
way too complicated.. too hard to explain here
im just receiving agreement but no advice? lol
I understand, unfortunately there are not a lot of options for your mother because your father is not open to change.
Your mother is going to get hurt by these people constantly the longer she stays around them. Its like a virus that will slowly consume her
She can escape from the situation when it gets very bad to help give her a breather and recollect herself, but this is only temporary
She can stand up for herself, but I sense this would cause only more problems and provoke your father's family
I do think by her changing her pattern of thoughts so that she does not let them control her feelings and remind her that she has control of her own feelings will help her cope and not be as effected from their remarks
Also there is always the possibility for individual and group therapy to allow your mother to build a support system outside of the family for her to experience how other people are supposed to be treated
This will help her see more empathy and experience that
Is your mom religious at all?
does this really cost $30
Would you like a refund or I can possibly opt out and allow another expert answer your questions?
refund please. sorry about wasting your time but I realised that I wont be able to get an answer from here
I am trying my best to help you and your mother by giving a lot of opinions on what to do and how to cope with situation she is in
No problem I will refer you to customer service for a refund
Sorry I was not able to help.