Hello, I am so sorry youl are going through this, but I am here to listen and help
You are right the girl that you cheated on with should not be texting you especially since she knows that you want to make it work with you gf. I think you did a good job of trying your best to ignore the texts
Her texting you is not your fault, because that is her decision
So you should not feel guilty about that
I think I just feel guilty because my gf really really let me have it over that and I feel like I let her down yet again
Your girlfriend is upset about the past and this just reminds her of that. It is a step back for her and your relationship, but it is by no means an end to your relationship from what you have told me
I do think you had a right to be upset with for spying on you and checking your phone, but that is because she is feeling vulnerable and insecure too.
and I understand why she did it, i guess, I was just mad too at the time and probably said some things I shouldn't have too, we both did
Anger will do that, you will say things you do not mean. When things get calmer, then I encourage you both to talk about it and for you to explain that you did not want her texting you and that you were ignoring the texts.
In the future, you may want to delete those texts as soon as you get them just to avoid any problems or misunderstanding
My fear is that she is not coming back this time though, that is really scaring me
and you are right, I shouldn't have left the texts on the phone to begin with
Give her space and let her reflect on everything. Now what would happen if she didnt come back?
What would happen is I would never meet anyone again, not like her
Now I want you to try to use the techniques of the thought record to help you answer the questions 1) Will she come back 2) What if she does not come back?
She will probably come back because she always has before after other fights...but if she does not come back I will still be ok because I am the only one who can be responsible for my own happiness..?
Good job, that very accurate and insightful. Remember you have been focusing on her, but do not forget that you have a lot to offer someone too and that you are also desirable to others. So even if she does leave, it will be her loss and you will find someone else as well.
Ok, yeah, that way of thinking definitely helps, it is already helping.. i don't know why i always left myself feel panic when it comes to her
Love will do that to some people.
Now I would like to ask about some of the thoughts of hurting yourself that you had
How do you feel right now about hurting yourself?
I don't feel like hurting myself right now
Because you thought more positively?
yeah, and i'm not feeling so sick to my stomach, i'm feeling calmer again
That is good, I am really happy that the thought record is helping you a lot
Are you still looking for another therapist?
yes and i think i have found one i will call on monday about an appt
That is great news!!! I am happy for you :)
:) thank you, XXXXX XXXXX feel like I need to talk to one again...even though the last one was in some ways not good for me I miss the talking
I think so too, and I think it will help you a lot. While the thought record is good, it is only a tool not meant to substitute therapy
So let me ask you, when you had the thoughts about hurting yourself and holding the blade, Did you text this to your girlfriend?
I almost did but then I didn't
Good, you dont want to do that. It will make things worse for your relationship because then she may feel like you are guilting her to come back.
Now you said the surgical blade was hidden, why do you have it?
i should probably get rid of it, i'm not sure why I keep it,
I think you should get rid of it, but do it when you are ready, so that you will not have to rely on it or on suicidal thoughts when things may go bad.
Ok, I will try to, ..I didn't think about it as relying on suicidal thoughts before
It is like a symbol for your suicidal thoughts and your past that you may rely on because a lot of times when things go bad we rely on things that are familiar like our pasts. If you get rid of it too soon, then it wont have any significance for you, but when you truly want to let go of that part of you, then you will get rid of it
ok wow, that gives me a lot to think about, I def never thought of it like that before
Another reason getting therapy will help sort these things out. And this is just my opinion, I think a therapist in person will do worlds of good for you, I think you will respond really well with the right therapist (one that does not judge you like the last one)
ok thats really cool :) I am glad to hear that
No problem, and I think you wanted to ask about your medication because you are not sleeping well
yeah i just wondered if you thought that would be a good idea...i mean i don't sleep a lot anyway, and then when things like this happen i really don't
I understand the insomnia right now because this is very stressful. What are the dosages of your wellbutrin and abilify?
the wellbutrin is the XL 300 mg and Abilify is 15 mg
And you take that once a day?
Well those two meds combined are supposed to make you a little drowsy, but most likely you are already used to it which is why you do not have that side effect. Here are two options that you can do, you can take benadryl to help you sleep at night and you can ask you doctor for a stronger anti-anxiety medication, like a benzodiazepine. But I would go with the benadryl first and see how that works and also you are going to continue therapy which should help with your stress too
ok, I have never tried benadryl, that I can just get at like walgreens right?
Yes you can. We use it a lot with patients as a starting medication to help patients sleep instead of putting them on stronger medications that can have more side effects
ok that's good, I would rather be on something not too strong if possible
Thats why I mentioned benadryl to start slow at first, but I do think once therapy becomes more routine for you, your stress level will go down and that will help you sleep better
Yeah i really want to get the therapy started as soon as possible, maybe then i could even cut back on the meds
It is certainly possible, many individuals ween off their meds as therapy becomes more effective for them.
So how was swimming and going to the movies?
It was awesome, i really needed to just get out of the house, plus it was good just getting all that sun,
Thats great to hear, I am glad it made you feel better
yeah it was a really good suggestion, everything has been from you, i really appreciate it :)
Anytime, I am always glad to help and make you feel better. But in all honesty 100 percent of the work comes from you, so in essence you are making yourself feel better, I am just a guide
well I have needed the guidance in any case, that is for sure
I am happy to help you
Is there anything else you would like to talk about?
no I think that has covered everything that's been happening
Okay, if you have any other questions or concerns, you are more than welcome to ask anytime
I hope everything works out well with your girlfriend and with the therapy appointment
thank you so much, and hope you have a great night
Have a good night as well and enjoy the rest of your weekend