Hello I believe I can help you with your question today
Typically most individuals that have a narcissistic personality disorder do not seek psychological treatment because they do not believe that there is anything wrong with them
Why do you believe that you may be a narcissist?
Me and my wife are gong through a divorce... she thinks I have the problem. she read a book, the narcissistic family. She is convinced that the way I grew up hurting my family. I do have a hard time showing empathy and emotion when she is sad, but when something physically happens to her I am very empathetic
Well here is the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I have been reading this stuff all day...
Sometimes difficulties growing up can make it difficult to empathize with others because you are in a way trying to protect yourself
My mother is a bit of a narcissist, I am always trying to please her...
I am hoping that she sees my success in work and finally just acts happy for me...
What about others, are you trying to please them and have them view you as a success?
I don't have a problem paying you more if you are able to chat with me for a bit
No problem, I can chat with you about this for as long as you like. I am here to help you
in my group of friends I am seen as a successful person, so yes, I pick up bar tabs, always drive fancy cars, live in a lovely house, and I like the feedback I get from them
Okay and at work what do you do when someone tells you that you did something wrong or that you have to redo something?
If I have to re do something its no big deal, I get it done fast and the customer is almost always happy. When someone tells me I did something wrong, makes me feel like I failed..
And after that feeling of failure, what do you do?
Do something that makes me feel good about myself.
Okay, and in general what is you self-esteem like? Do you usually have high confidence in yourself, low confidence, or somewhere in the middle?
I generally have always been very self conscious, with low self esteem.
Is that because of your mother possibly?
I was a great athlete and got praises through sports growing up and now im an adult I look at my career and success to get praises
It could be from my mother. She was always expecting us to be perfect, get good grades, dress nice, look like a perfect family
I always hated school and became an amazing cheater to get good grades, always wanted to have the best... and I would always get the best... and my mother would be so happy to see good grades and very happy to know when I am doing good
but it never feels like I am able to please her, there is always something
Alright I think I can tell you confidently that I do not believe you have narcissistic personality disorder. I think you have a low self-esteem as you said and that you try to overcompensate by proving to others and yourself that you are successful, which you obviously are. But even being successful is not helping you with you low self-esteem.
true, I have also been taking things out on my wife. When I don't get praises from her I start to feel very low and can get irritable and distant.
It sounds like you may have some negative thinking that drives you to be successful and better all the time, but it doesnt seem to be enough because the low self-esteem is still there
could you recommend anything to increase my self esteem?
Yes I was just about to find the link for you. This is called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more positive and plausible). This will help you change you way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.
Thank you I will work on this!
I guess that's it for now, did you have anything else?
Anytime, it is a really good technique that will take some time to get used to, but it will give you a head start before you seek therapy
Trust me this thought record is very time consuming at first, but then the negative thoughts will become less and less and it wont be as time consuming
This is because you are successfully changing your way of thinking for the positive.
Thank you very much! You get an Excellent!!