Thanks for these suggestions.
Sorry if the following message sounds unreasonable or even rude - it's really not meant to! (I'm pretty sure I come across to others as rude sometimes without my having *any* awareness of it so thought I'd apologise in advance just in case.) (I am pretty desperate so I think I owe it to myself to "push" at least a little.)
I guess the nature of this service means that replies will tend to be rather general. You could not know that I have already tried the solutions you describe (athough of course I do see that this is no reason not to keep on trying them in case I ?somehow get better at them and can then "make them work" at last). However, I have found that they make me feel even more lonely (plus like a failure / loser etc.) - pretty much everyone I encounter seems to be so very different from me that it ends up being terrifying to be around others. I manage it these days by pretending to be "normal" - but of course this means there is no real contact. If I start being more authentic I seem to alienate / shock / annoy almost immediately - even if I'm only letting them see a v. little of what I'm *really" like. So I feel v trapped.
Also I find it very difficult to maintain an outwardly "normal" demeanour. I get extremely irritated in what others always see as completely unreasonable (e.g "stupid" remarks; sudden noises; loud / crying infants etc.). If I show my irritation - even a little - others seem to feel they *must* punish me for it and it becomes horribly painful.
It is also sadly more or less certain that any arrangement I set up to volunteer would be broken almost at once. I just can't keep up with even fairly short term commitments. My mood gets so low so often that I feel paralysed and cannot get out of the house. I don't really know what this is about / why it happens - trying to explain this to others seems to make them v. angry (which really hurts me a lot) so I've given up on that!
I am highly educated (MA in Literature from University College London plus PGCE). I have read a great deal about depression / BPD / psychoanalytical texts / philosophy but I am still v stuck.
Anyway - just thought I'd see if you have anything more to offer in the light of this addtional info.
Yes, Just Answer is a question and answer forum so answers are meant to be helpful and encourage you. Sometimes issues do come up that require a more in depth answer and that is usually when the experts refer the person to someone who can help them face to face, such as a therapist.
You are correct that I was not aware that you have already tried the options I offered. It helps if you do indicate that upfront but it can be difficult to do or even to forget when you are navigating the site.
I understand your frustration with having tried everything and nothing works. You mention that the reason you feel your attempts do not work is because of personality clashes. In that case, therapy is the best option for you. Resolving a personality issue on line in this type of forum is difficult due to the time it would take and the limited format. However, therapy can help you resolve these issues. I know you mentioned trying therapy before, but sometimes changing the type of therapy or even the therapist can offer hope and alternative answers to your problem.
You can also try to act as if you do not have these issues. As long as you assume you are different than others, you may come across that way and put others off. Try to act as if you are like others. You may have tried this before with limited success. But if you continue to try, it may become easier. Also, continue to try the suggestions I made. The more you can push yourself to change, the more success you may have.