I think that I am a sociopath or a psychopath. I didn't bring this conclusion upon myself but people who I've hurt have said this to me. I've also been called an extreme narcissist. I was abandoned as a child by my parents and my mother hurt me type after type. I remember consciously making the decision to not feel so that I would feel the mental hurt of the abandonment and neglect
I was very manipulative as a small child and may have been born with the trait. After my childhood trauma, I believe that was what really set it into motion. I remember being 4 - 6 years of age and wanting to hurt people weaker than me or animals. This was before the trauma I hurt a neighborhood kid when I was 11 and he had to get stitches but I didn't feel guilty about it. I only recall the need to release my rage onto him. . During my teenage years I did
have juvenile delinquency, running away, stealing cars, pot, influencing others to join in on my bad behavior.
I did things to friends as a teen over and over again to hurt then but I could never make the connection to their hurt or understand their pain. It just felt generic when they would ask me why did I do these things to hurt their feelings. Now as an adult, I am starting to come to terms with my possible disorder. I am now, only because others close to me have recognized my lack of remorse and the cycle of hurt that I cause them for no reason. When someone dies, I don't feel bad but I go through the motions as if I do. I have little interest in having convos with others unless I'm the focal point.
I love being the center of attention but I do it in a way that seems innocent and makes me appear humble. I am a female and very attractive. I also feel that I need a supply of attention on a regular basis. When I hug someone, I feel no connection. It feels like an act. As an adult, I've learned to blend in and have no need to psychically hurt anyone like some sociopaths. I have a stable job, not many friends but I keep myself out of trouble and keep to myself. I love being alone and I only want company if I become bored but I want them gone after I've been entertained.